Kintsukuroi

By Esther Wilson

What a beautiful concept kintsukuroi is! That an item can be even more beautiful once it's been lovingly repaired with gold after being broken.

I think God is pretty keen on this concept too! We have all been broken by our pasts in different ways but God's heart is for us, to heal us.

Psalm 147:3 says "He heals the broken hearted & bandages their wounds". 

This verse really speaks to me as nearly 3 years ago, within 3 weeks of each other, my beautiful little baby boy was stillborn and I was diagnosed with a heart condition. My heart was literally broken, physically and emotionally. During this time although there was much pain, there was also much comfort from God, one of my favourite verses became 

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh & heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart & my portion forever". 

He really was and is my strength, I could not do this without Him.

After we lost Seth I read a book by someone who had been through a similar experience, and in it was a bit about smashing a vase or jug and then glueing it back together again as a therapeutic exercise. Sounds pretty crazy and I didn't even consider doing it until recently when I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to go out, buy a beautiful jug and then drop it onto my kitchen floor. I think my husband thought I had gone completely bonkers! First of all, deliberately breaking something is hard to do, I held the jug out at arms length away from my body but it was so difficult to let go of it knowing that it was going to break (I may have control issues!) Then came the job of looking at the pieces and working out how to put them all back together again, some bits were pretty easy to figure out, others took a bit of time. Using a hot glue gun, being careful not to stick my fingers together or cut them on shards of pottery, I stuck the pieces together one bit at a time, slowly seeing the jug taking form again. 

As I was doing it I thought about how God had gathered all the broken parts in my life and mended them. The process is not easy, it can be uncomfortable and painful but it is worth it. And it's not about pretending we haven't been broken but showing the beauty through our brokenness, God's love and grace shine through the brokenness if we let them.

To anyone else looking at my glued together broken jug it may look a bit of a mess but to me it's beautiful and precious. I googled about broken vases before I wrote this and found a newspaper article from a few years ago about a man who tripped on his shoelaces in a museum and knocked over a 17th century Chinese porcelain vase, smashing it into 113 pieces, oops! A specialist ceramic restorer worked on the vase for three months, she said to the naked eye the vase looked perfect  but experts would be able to see the cracks. What she continued on to say I love, she added "I could cover the cracks but by leaving them it shows that the vase is genuine and gives it authenticity." 

The cracks in my jug are extremely visible, so is the brokenness in my life sometimes, but I'm not hiding it because it shows that I am genuine and authentic and it shows who my God is too. He is my rescuer, my healer, my restorer. 

Finding hope where life hurts the most

By Vicki Maher

After an extremely hard year, three months ago, my dad lost his long battle with cancer. We spent his 61^st birthday in casualty at the Ulster Hospital in Dundonald. He passed away the next morning. Although he had been sick for a while, it still didn’t make the end any easier. Over the past few years, I realised not only did I have the same ridiculously good looks as my dad, but we also had the same personality and sense of humour. I guess it makes sense that my coping mechanism in any situation, like my dad, is humour.

When I was at his bedside I felt as if God was telling me that I had to pray for someone else in casualty. So in my way, I very clearly told God, "No." How wrong was I? Then in my way again, I had a tiring "argument" with God that I was destined to lose. 

Just then a mobile x-ray machine came to take an image of my dad, so I had to leave. As I was going to the waiting room, a lady grabbed me, saying that she knew me from my previous church. (What an amazing kop out card for me...now how could I argue that I should pray for her?!) Her husband had been in a horrific motorbike accident and was in waiting to be taken to another hospital for surgery. Being told he may have severed nerves in his spine and unable to walk, no focus in his eyes, broken ribs, brain damage- the list was endless. Before I knew it I had asked if I could pray for her husband.

The second I lay my hand on his shoulder he looked directly at me, I prayed a short prayer taking authority over his injuries, declaring that when he was taken to surgery the things that they thought were wrong, would not be. He left to go to surgery. 

Later that night I spoke to my friend, who knew his daughter. I was told that when he had arrived at surgery the things that they thought were wrong, were not. And the things that were wrong would heal in their own time. The day after my dad’s funeral the man was released from hospital, walking. Two months on he and his wife have been doing mountain walks! 

Even though I was going through one of the most horrendous moments of my life, I realise now that I decided to choose well in that moment. God provided that opportunity and I took it.....eventually.

I have realised that through the pain and the hurt, I am put on a pedestal to those around me that don’t know Jesus. My actions and how I react in these seasons will show what my foundation is truly built on. Will they see me in my darkest hour crying out to God and still surrendering my all to Him? Standing firm and declaring that God is good in every season, the bad and the good? Or will I run away to find comfort in something worthless. I have been there; I have tried to find comfort in the bad choices. I’ve even tried to find comfort in what seemed to be good things, but they still weren’t God's best for me.

Even when our circumstances seem unbearable, God's response to our obedience will always release the nature of heaven into our situation. Trust me, you don’t need to have it all together; you don’t even need to pretend to have it all together for God to use you. It’s about standing up and stepping out in the storm. When I prayed in the hospital I hadn’t slept, eaten or showered in 2 days, I was a delight... I’m sure that is exactly how some of the Bible characters smelt when God called them.

The life giving ability that God brings can only be embraced totally when we have nothing left to give Him except ourselves, whole heartedly. When you turn to that place of vulnerability with God, He will take you to a whole new level of intimacy with Him.

Please know as I am typing this that my heart is completely broken.  I miss my dad more every day. I am a mess and I definitely don’t have it all together, I know I have a long journey ahead of me. However, I am thankful to have an incredible community of huggers around me. They ensure that my love of laughing and joking continues.

I don’t know what battle you are facing, but never give up. I’m definitely not saying that it will be easy, but find the joy when life hurts the most. It may be tiny and hard to find, but it is there, just keep looking.

“This is what it is to be loved and to know, that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held.” – Natalie Grant. 

The Super Natural You

By Ashley Hewitt

So I made a determined decision with God that I would take a wee bit more time to read the Bible and other books. As well, I agreed I would spend more time journaling. A few weeks after making this commitment I was approached to write for this blog.  I found myself in a bit of a panic; I confess I am terrible at this first and foremost, and honestly I didn’t really know what to write about.

I have my own insecurities…I would worry about what people think of me and what would they say after reading this…would they look at me differently? I don’t like the spotlight in anything so writing in a space such as this is something that makes me feel uncomfortable. I still journey these thoughts and feelings, but now a few weeks later, with a lot of grace thankfully, I've calmed down enough to share with you a little of what’s on my heart…about the concept of the Supernatural. So here goes... 

I feel that there is misunderstanding generally among people like it’s a taboo word; that people are not sure whether it’s a good thing or a hindrance. Some folk see it as a mystical power that comes from somewhere else. Some see the supernatural as something that ought not to be discussed as everyone will have some opinion about it.  Some think that those who carry out supernatural things excel at the weird and strange. And others think that the supernatural is only available for a select few because they possess a higher power that no one understands and is not easily explained.

I thought it would be helpful to define the term and separate the two words...you'll see why.

Super - an individual, thing or property that exceeds customary norms or levels, incomparable and matchless, more powerful than others of its kind; derived from Latin meaning above and beyond.

Natural - in conformity with the simple-hearted; the usual course of things without the intervention of the spontaneous. 

I, personally, find that the word supernatural is a bit of an oxymoron. I find it good to separate the two words. For one thing, it's easier to understand. And I think for me, it makes it accessible to use the supernatural in my every day.

For those that don't know me, I am a nurse and I am heavily involved in CCV's kid’s ministry (woohoo!). In this context, it is super natural for me to look after people and to make them better.  It is also super natural for me to look out for others. It’s super natural for me to be around kids. All of these things bring life and joy to my every day. 

What would it look like to allow the Father to come in His supernatural ways and radically change what is super natural for you in your everyday life?

For me it's praying for those individuals with medical conditions, inside and out of the hospital. I'm passionate and really have a bit of 'bee in my bonnet' about it. It's equipping the next generation to transform the community through love and compassion.

For you, how would going to the supermarket look? The kid’s school run? Your workplace? How would these environments change if you invited the Father in? Transformation could seep out from you in a super natural way in your day to day contacts.

My hope is not for you to over think the supernatural power of God. But instead, realise that it can simply look like loving compassion in a desolate situation. That it is wisdom that speaks truth into the uncertainty. It is the courage to stand against injustice. And it is generosity when all seems lost. All these seem supernatural in those moments of darkness but are just super natural because He lives in you so therefore you carry the solution. So you freely received freely give (Matthew 10v8).

What you carry is influential because the Father has created you, and lives in you. Everything in your hand is all you're gonna need as trusted rulers (it's not as hard as we make it out to be) in those moments that present themselves.

 The supernatural is the “having butterflies in you tummy” moment where you have to choose to be available for the Kingdom encounter and allow God to do the rest.

I challenge you to see what it would look like to be the eyes and ears of the Heavenly Father on earth. Be prepared to go on the adventure of a lifetime. 

Lastly I want to share this quote from one of my inspirations

“He loves you always, even when you don’t feel worthy. When not accepted by others, even by yourself sometimes, He is the one who always accepts you… Only believe - you are precious to Him. Bring all you are suffering to His feet - only open your heart to be loved by Him as you are. He will do the rest” ~ Mother Teresa

Who I Am

By Sandra Millican

 

I grew up in a dysfunctional family (like a lot of people!!) I did not know who my father was and until the age of ten I was raised by strangers and only saw my mother from time to time. From the age of ten to the age of twenty I lived on and off with my mother and grand-parents and spent a lot of my time in boarding schools. Why am I telling you all this… well it explains where I come from, but thank goodness, not who I am.

When I came to faith I really struggled with the "Heavenly Father" concept of God, the only reference I had for a father figure was how my grandfather related to my mother and me which was with authority, criticism, not apparent love and no encouragement.

I realise now that it did affect how I related to my Heavenly Father but thankfully He is so wonderful and so patient that He gently guided me to the place I needed to be.

This past year has been life changing, it has been painful at times but ultimately amazing. Even after so many years as a believer I still believed the lies that were spoken over me when I was growing up, lies that I was not good enough, that I was not really worth loving, that I should be grateful for whatever I was given. That to be me was definitely not a good thing and so on…

I attended the "Capacity" day at CCV, and at the end I was prayed for by a wonderful lady who asked Father God to give me a new picture which He did...

and what I saw in my mind was a male figure holding a baby girl and smiling over her, and guess what…. the little girl was ME!!! 

For the first time I realised that I was His daughter and that He was pleased with ME?! This was such an amazing revelation and I started to understand how God saw me.

I started to think that He might actually love me!!!

This would have been enough for me but the story does not end there, a few months later I went for a SOZO prayer ministry session and O MY WORD it was mind blowing!!!

I was able to see the lies that were spoken over me in the past for what they were: LIES.  And I was also able to replace them by the Truth that God constantly speaks over me, I am His daughter and He is pleased with me.

Finally I know that I am loved and I am accepted!

Who I am…. I am the Daugher of a King, I am the Righteousness of God in Christ, I am Sandra and it is good enough for me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woodworm

By Colleen McSorely

I moved house a few weeks ago... In the process of picking new paint colours I decided I needed ( clearly a life or death matter) a dressing table. I had my heart set on something beautiful and filled with old character, it was proving more difficult to find than I thought!  I can tell you now- i'm spoilt. When we arrived on moving day we discovered the most beautiful vintage dressing table that had been left behind for us. My heavenly Father has a habit of embarrassingly spoiling me & answering my smallest what feel like insignificant wishes!

So, back to my beautiful old dressing table... As if moving house wasn't enough me and my dad took to restoring my new treasure. It wasn't long into our work that we discovered some of those dreaded holes... on close inspection we realised this beautiful piece of furniture had a run in with woodworms at one time.. eww! Much to my relief they had long evacuated the premises!! Much to my naivety I asked Dad if woodworm was really that big of a deal, to which he replied "only when the holes join up and there's no wood left"... Oops, I guess woodworm really is a big deal!

As I was standing there looking at this beautiful 'dimpled' wood it hit me- we all have our own version of wood worm. I like to call it our choices... yep, I went there! It hit me that a worm so tiny could make such a hole in something so big and strong. A lot like our small choices, the small choices to honour even when it hurts, to deal with insecurities as they arise- even if it's awkward and painful. The choice to worship in every circumstance. The choices to forgive & trust God with all we are! When we don't make the small healthy choices daily it opens us up to the small worms that eat away at who we are & even what God has for us! I was never designed to be 'dimpled'.

Ask any of the young guys I get to lead, they'll tell you I use the 'Choice' word quite a bit... I believe that our choices, the small and the big are incredible powerful! It was that much clearer to me as I stood there restoring my beautiful dresser with my dad, it's safe to say that my relationship with my dad wouldn't be what it is today without the small good choices I made in my heart and life! I can tell you that sometimes the only way we can make those choices is by asking our incredible heavenly Father to help us make them! His strength, wisdom & grace leads the way!

The beauty of the restoration process is that those potentially damaging holes are no longer there, Jesus is more than big enough to fill them- i'm so glad! In the end we're a lot like my dresser... beautiful, restored & filled with character... we just need to make sure no woodworm creeps back in!

( Here's a little photo of my beautiful restored dresser- hole free!!)

“She thought she could so she did” Dreaming Big

By Louise Hobson

I have always been a bit of a romantic idealist; I’m a rose tinted glasses kind of girl. When it comes to dreaming I often have my head in the clouds. Realists would tell you that that is not where God would have your head in these matters, but I believe that God wants us to have our head in the clouds while having our feet firmly grounded. God has taken me on a journey showing me both are attainable.

I absolutely love the unadulterated innocence of a child’s response when you ask them what their dreams are. They are always so outrageous. Whether it’s what they want to be when they grow up or something that they would love to do, they have no limitations and simply no concept of fear, failure, obstacles or anything that stands in their way! It’s the simplicity of belief. We are to become like them, like little children, with not so little dreams. Wouldn’t it be great to have the mind of a child when it comes to our dreams?

I've still got some of the dreams I've had since I was a little girl and others God has placed on my heart more recently. I have always thought that the desires God gave me would be realised immediately, that those things I held onto in my heart would come to life in an instance. However, it has been my realisation that it doesn't always work like that. Often the dreams that lie in our heart take time to be fulfilled, this can take years. It can take its tole, it may require more from you that you initially dreamt up, it may take sacrifice, it may be a long road to the end goal, but God is faithful to fulfil his promises. I still believe my dreams are realities but I now see that there are processes I have to go through to increase my capacity to fulfil them. God wants to take us on a journey that isn't about lowering our expectations but about increasing our ability to sustain the reality of our dreams. 

I’ve been reading a book recently; ‘The Presence, Power and Heart of God’. There’s a section about prayer ministry, saying that

“Usually, when people come up for prayer ministry, God wants either to bring them closer to Himself (or to salvation), heal them deeply, or empower them (filling them, equipping them and/or speaking to their dreams and visions)." 

You see, God is passionate about our dreams; the ones that lie dormant and the ones that have already sprung to life. He is passionate about us pursuing our dreams. He is a limitless God that wants his children to have limitless minds, minds that understand that dreams are reachable and realistic; not idealistic fancy. He is the God that flung stars into space, the God that created the human race out of dust, the God that made a way for humanity back to himself, the God that raised Jesus from the dead. 

He had a dream; to live in relationship with us, and he moved all of heaven and earth to make it happen. As I’ve learnt,nothing ‘just happens’. Movement, determination and effort are required. A dream is a nice idea so long as it stays out there, but God calls us to grab a hold of our dreams and see them through. I wonder what dream is in your heart? 

For the dream that lies in waiting; God wants to awaken that and set it into motion. But He also wants you to partner with him to see it fulfilled.

I have found that for the Dreamers, those that find it second nature to dream big dreams- we need an understanding of what makes our dreams a reality, we need determination and a hard work ethic to see our dreams through.

For those that find it more difficult to dream big - give those dreams to God and watch Him increase them beyond what you would have imagined.

So whatever your dream capacity is, we can always look to Him as our example; To dream with the faith of a child, to go after those dreams with a will that does not relent, to call out the dreams in others and ultimately to trust the author and creator of our hearts and our dreams with it all. 

Authentic Identity

By Hannah Lynas

I've been struck again by the challenging and stark reminder of what it is to be authentic in my own skin. What it looks like to be truly me. To know who I am and what I’m created to be. I'm energized and inspired when I'm around truthful, free people, who speak with their own mind.

I was reminded of this at a conference recently where the stage was filled with incredibly dynamic, self-assured individuals. I listened to each of them with a sense of awe at their eloquence, boldness and distinct connectedness to themselves. They exuded Authenticity (a particular way of dealing with the external world, while remaining faithful to internal rather than external ideas.)  And in that moment I wanted to be a little bit like each of them. How ironic, I was drawn to their trueness in themselves and in the same instant wanted to forfeit my own.

I'm trying to learn to be influenced without being comprised.

To be assertive while maintaining integrity.

To enjoy in moderation without becoming extreme. 

To be organized and efficient without becoming inflexible and losing spontaneity. 

To recognize that a healthy body and lifestyle can't be at the expense of an unhealthy mind. 

I've been trying to keep myself in check, to restock and look at the person I am today without forgetting the person I was yesterday and evaluating the person I want to be tomorrow.

As I write this it sounds exhausting and introspective and impossible and too intentional. I'm not advocating this kind of intensity all the time, but it's important to evaluate where each of us are and what environmental factors have been shaping us, what aspect of ourselves are we holding on to and what other things are unfolding and crafting who we are. 

We are constantly evolving beings, life does not stand still. We grow and learn in wisdom and foolishness; we simplify and complicate our understanding of the world, the people in it and ourselves.  We need to embrace change but keep change in check.  Because before long we can drift and alter and wear all the colours of the world around us and become a shadow of whom we really are.

I'm learning that I need to reconnect with the Hannahness inside of me; I need to dust off some the external influences to reveal my true skin. 

I need to be reminded that my opinion matters that my perspective is unique. 

That I am at my best when I am truly me.  

I'm not striving for perfection or balance and I'm not always going to get it right. And I need to learn again the value in simply 'being'. 

But who knows on this quest for authentic identity I may just inspire/release others into 'being like me' and in turn reconnect with their true self!