Who You Are Is Enough

By Kathryn Scott

I distinctly remember sitting on the back lawn chatting to my Grandma at her house one summer day when I was about 4 years old.  She was asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I told her that I wanted to be a teacher, or a missionary, or a minister’s wife.... oh, and wrinkly - because that would mean I’d spent my whole life smiling :)

As you know, I got to fulfill the dream of becoming a pastor’s wife when I married the handsome Alan Scott at the ripe old age of 21.  And now closer to 40, am inching ever nearer to the reality of ‘wrinkly’, (well, ‘crinkly’ at least).  But I never thought I’d end up becoming a song writer, or a worship leader.  And truth to tell, I never had any ambition or desire to do so either.  That is, until the Lord started to let me in on what He was thinking.

It was while I was studying Theology at Bible College that the Lord began to speak.

I had written songs since the age of 9.  The year I turned 20 I was given quite a number of prophetic words that I was going to write songs people across the world would use as their worship to Jesus.  I could barely wait to get started!  I assumed the transition from writing the ministry type of songs I’d written all those years into writing worship songs would be a seamless, wonderful stroll in the park.  Not entirely the way things worked out though.

All of a sudden I went from writing a song or two a week, to not being able to write a single note.  At first I thought it was just a blip, and maybe when I tried again next week, it would come back. 

I tried again. 

Still nothing. 

After a year, I’d started to give up hope that I’d ever write again, and it felt horrible.  It felt like my arms had been cut off.  This was the way I expressed myself to God, and how I understood my place in the world.  I felt lost.

After two years, I still wrestled with it from time to time, and tried to write again, but songs still wouldn’t come.  I’d begun the journey of finding out who I was, even if I never wrote another song.

By the third year, I’d set the words spoken over me into a treasure box in my heart; something I could revisit if the Lord ever wanted me to, but at long last I was ready to make peace with it all.  It didn’t matter as much any more anyway because I’d finally ‘got it’, that I was a child of God, and whatever He put in my hands was the gift that I would use to bring Him honour.  It could look the way He wanted, and was nothing to do with His love for me, or who I was.  I was HIS.  I wasn’t ‘in’ because of what I could do.  I was ‘in’ because I belonged to Him, and that was enough.

I thought that would be the pattern for the rest of my life, and I couldn’t have been happier.  Song writing had become a happy memory.

Until one night, deep in the middle of the night, I woke up with lyrics going round in my head.  I’d almost forgotten what that felt like, it had been a whole three years!  I grabbed a pen and paper and jotted them down.  Honestly, they weren’t very good, and I knew it at the time too, but they were lyrics, real, actual lyrics.  I wasn’t at all sure that song writing was coming back, but I was totally OK with that.  I didn’t need it anymore.  I only needed Jesus!

Several weeks later, something started brewing in my heart.  It was a whole song this time, it was ‘Child of God’.  A few short weeks after that, I wrote a song called ‘Hungry’.  That was just the beginning, and what a beginning it was too.

Those songs, and many since, have become songs that the Church at large does use on Sundays and in services to sing out her worship.  It is the most incredible fulfillment of what Jesus spoke to me when I was 20 years old.  But the privilege, the wonder, where the life is for me, is in the belonging!  I thoroughly became His when I was between the dreaming and the coming true, and there is nothing in the world more precious to me than that.

Who I am - who you are is enough because of who we belong to.

God gave me a New Name

by Nicky Cahill

Before birth I met with death.  And, death stole something from me.  I was born - my twin was not.

My life has been touched by death.  Marred by illness.  Eaten by disease.  Attacked by sickness. Coloured with Pain.

There are times when it was always night.  Pain loomed - lurking round corners then lingered.  Violently swarming in and on my body; like buzzards on a carcass rotting in the desert sun.  This was a period when time lost its form.

Daily Death danced dangerous tunes into my thoughts –unworthy, sick, stupid, careless, dirty, nothing to offer, unwanted, wasted, your life took your twins, rejected, unloved, missing out, lonely, attacked, unlovable, silly, fat, forgotten, ugly, abandoned, shameful, guilty, bitch, not good enough, a mistake – and spun a web of lies around me, into me.   He. Constructed a case.  Made violent accusations. Pointed fingers. Sent nightmares.

But there was another constant voice. Gentle and quiet, sometimes barely audible, only a breath.

YHWH. 

In, YH.

Out, WH. 

His lifegiving breath. My breath.  His name.

YHWH.

YHWH, God, most Holy, on my breath, transcendent and intimate all at once.  In the midst of it all, He was present, as alive as breath.  All I had to do was breathe, and peace came to illuminate, in the darkness against the crashing accusations. A shimmer of hope remained in that breath, in the voice that said,

'You are not alone.  I am here.’ 

This voice I knew intimately, for as I child we had conversed, was God.  My Father.  It was His voice, which called me to His service as a little girl when He spoke to me from Isaiah saying “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said just like the text, “Here am I. Send me!”  The calling on my life, the dreams and visions did not disappear during the pain, but they lifted my head towards Him, who gave them to me. He was always there in the gloom - generous with His presence.

Jesus sat with me, in my sickness.  He comforted me.  He didn't leave me.  He didn’t forsake me to death’s destroying accusations.  He spoke of His love.  He whsipered words of life to me.

Nicky, you are accepted.  Precious.  Redeemed. Rescued. Pursued.  Restored. I will never let you go. My Grace is enough, it is always enough. You are forgiven.  Honoured.  Adored.  My daughter.

He didn’t expect me to do anything other than reach out.  To breathe a prayer, when words were too much.  Much was transcient, but the one thing I was sure of was Jesus presence.

I don’t have a healing event story.

I do, however, have a powerful story, one of the greatness of God, of the peace of His presence in the midst of turmoil.  God saved me from death - taking apart the lies, breaking the curses, healing the abuse, relieving pain, dismantling the walls - and loved me back to life.  He brought great people, alongside me who have walked with me along an often treacherous, aching and seemingly never-ending journey of healing, overcoming and restoration. Into the freedom of the future, the Freedom that Christ has set you and me free for. 

With my life, God has done a new thing, He has as the scriptures tell us  - made a way in the desert and brought streams of water to, what felt like me to be a wasteland.  He has sustained me, put His shield around me, delivered me and lifted my head.  He gave me a new identity, a new name.

A friend of mine in California, Jennifer Camp, wrote on her blog about how she had asked God for a new name and he gave her one. Her, story just bowled me over, and when she invited her readers to ask God for a new name.  I thought, yes.  YES, Father God, I want you to give me a new name too.

I’d been reading her blog while at work and I thought, there’s no time like the present.  There and then, at my desk I whispered out loud, ‘God please give me a new name.’

Immediately a sound came to mind. I spoke it out.  It was a word.  I didn't know what it meant, or how to write it down.  I said it a few times, asked God what it meant, asked Dr Google, got nowhere and went back to my deadline. 

The answer to my prayer didn’t disappear, this sound, this word floated in my head, gently reminding me it was there.  Considering it more deeply a few days later I thought, it’s Hebrew, this word is Hebrew.   Not being a Hebrew speaker, I was a bit flummoxed, as to it’s form or meaning. Life moved on and the word stayed put, front and centre of my mind.

While I was running, God spoke to me.  The word He had given me was the Hebrew word for Health.

Maybe, I thought, just maybe God's new name for me was HEALTH. 

Wanting to be able to write it down, back to our trusty friend Google I went to search for it.  What I found did not make sense with what God was telling me, and the words looked, and sounded very different. 

I was disappointed.

But still this idea lingered, that His new name for me was Health. 

While swimming, I thought, well Jesus spoke Greek maybe I need to look up Health in ancient Greek, possibly Aramaic.  Again this didn't feel right, so I just sat with it.  Knowing God had spoken, not knowing the exact answer.  Weeks passed.

Then something astounding, truly amazing happened...

I was at a Messianic Passover, where the Messianic Jew who lead it was a fluent Hebrew speaker.  At the end of the evening, I was talking to him, and suddenly I felt, a prompting to ask him, what the Hebrew word for Health is.  I asked, and he spoke out the exact word that I had spoken out, sitting at my desk.

I began to shake ever so gently, my heartbeat thumped. The same word, with the same sound.  That I had spoken weeks earlier at my desk. Exactly.  Exactly the same. Tears gathered behind my eyes, until they rolled down my cheeks. He said, the Hebrew word means life and health, and is a common Hebrew name for girls.

Health.  Health.  Health. My name is Health. God’s name for me is Health.

The word is translated from Hebrew to English as Chai, and the Hebrew alphabet character looks like the letter n, but with a little bit coming off the left hand-side.  Numbers and roots of words are important in Hebrew because they have meanings.  The number of the word Chai is 18, which the Messianic Jew explained to me meant long life and survivor, good life, and longevity.

Death came to steal, kill and destroy. Yes there have been tears and suffering. I have wrestled fiercely with death.    But Jesus conquered death, at calvary and because of His sacrifice everything changes.  My soul has been restored, my life changed because of His great love for me.

Death has not won.  Don’t dare believe death has wone, because that is a life.

Love has won, and love will last forever, because God is love. 

And love, love’s you.

Would you like God to give you a new name – maybe you will ask Him right now?

For Zion’s sake I will  not keep silent, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not keep quiet.  Until her righteousness goes forth like brightness, and her salvation like a torch that is burning.  The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; and you will be called by a new name which the mouth of the Lord will designate. You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord.  And a royal diadem in the hand of your God.  It will no longer be said to you, “Forsaken,” nor to your land will it any longer be said, “Desolate”; but you will be called, “My delight is in her.“  And your land, “Married”; for the Lord delights in you, and to Him your land will be married.  For as a young man marries a virgin, so your sons will marry you; and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God will rejoice over you (Isaiah 62:1-5).

Resources

Nicky Cahill’s blog www.saltandsparkle.com

Jennifer Camp’s blog www.youaremygirls.com

Copyright Nicky Cahill, November 2013

Broken Becomes Beautiful

By Anna Bentley

In June of this year a bunch of people from our young adults ministry at CCV, Sacred Space, headed out to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. It was a last minute 'God-incident' that I even ended up going on the team (but that's a whole other

blog!) Excited and apprehensive, we headed out to volunteer with a number of organisations working with men, women and children involved in sex trafficking.

As you can imagine it was an intense environment, being in a city shrouded in such darkness. On first impression you would see no hope or light in the city. However, the more we worked with the different organisations we saw that in fact there is hope, and God is very much at work in

Cambodia. 

But as we watched young children walking the streets, waiting for their next 'customer', my heart broke. At times it was difficult to hold back the tears. I just wanted to pick up these children, bring them to a place of security and protect them from all that takes place on the streets.

During our trip we went to a village called Svay Pak, a place known for sex trafficking and pedophilia. Yet, there was beauty among the brokenness in that village. We worked with an organisation called Agape International Missions, which had been set up by an amazing Christian couple who wanted to share God's love in a community only known for its false intimacy.

Throughout the week our team helped to teach the kids from the village, and I was teaching dance and drama in a room now known as 'Rahab 1'. However, a few years earlier, that very room had been a brothel. 12 tiny rooms had been ripped down when Agape purchased the building and it

was now being used to release creativity and to share God's love with some amazing young people. 

Where there was once only death and darkness, there was now abundant life and joy.

The tears began to roll down my cheeks as I stood in that place. But they were tears of joy, as I realised that what the enemy had used for evil, God was now turning around for His good. This was a story of redemption.

We later met one of the girls who had been in room Number 9 of the brothel. She had been locked away and had several men bought to her each day. But since Agape moved into the village, she had been taken out of slavery, given a new life, a job, hope for the future and was now happily

married. Again, I was an emotional mess as I looked at her wedding photos and saw how she had once been so broken and now through the love of God, she had been made incredibly whole and beautiful.

God had written her redemption story.

I came away with the sense that no place was too dark and no person too broken for God to redeem and restore what has gone before.

A very wise woman once shared this scripture with me:

Psalm 127:1 If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks.

Sometimes God takes the most broken, run down of people and makes them into the most beautiful of creations. He chooses to take the places that the world has written off and He rewrites His story of grace. When we allow God to rebuild what we or others have broken down, He rebuilds us in such a way that we become more beautiful than we ever thought we could be. 

I saw this in Cambodia, I see this in my own life and I see that God is writing these redemption stories all over our community. So whether I find myself in a slum in Cambodia or walking through the streets of Coleraine, God is continually showing me that nobody and no place is beyond His outstretched arms of grace.

Isaiah 61: He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives... 

...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair...

...They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated...

 Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land...

Honesty With God

 By Emily Brown

(This entry is special because Emily bravely wrote this 3 weeks before the birth of her new baby boy Joshua Mark Brown. We welcome him to the world!)

In deciding what to write I guess ‘birth’ is the upper most thing in my mind (seeing as I am due to give birth in 3 weeks – or will have given birth by the time you read this!!). 

I am so acutely aware that when we look at people around us we see the ‘perfect’ side of their life - we see the ‘happy family’.  Sometimes this is the true picture, but we often don’t see the pain that people have or have gone through.

Many people won’t be aware of the traumatic birth I had with my son, Joel.  It was one of the scariest times of my life – but the worst part was feeling like God had left me.  The God I had known, who had always been so good to me, always been so gracious had suddenly let me go through something very traumatic.  I know for many of us we were brought up not to think like this – but I absolutely screamed out to God ‘Why, why me?!’ ‘How could you let this happen?!’.  I have always loved God with everything and walked so closely with him in my life – and for that to suddenly feel like it was gone was the worst.  I felt everything I had based my life on was suddenly a lie……

Through screaming out to a God whose character I no longer knew or trusted was where my healing came.  I believe in complete honesty before God, as He knows what we are thinking/feeling anyway, and although I knew how I felt would have offended many Christians, I knew God would be able to handle my doubts.

It was somehow in this time that something very personal happened for me.  I saw a picture in my mind.  It was of Jesus in the room with me after Joel’s birth as I was having complications.  In this picture in my mind, Jesus was there and he said to the enemy ‘Stop – that is enough – no more’.  The gift of this picture was that I saw Jesus was for me; Jesus was the one who healed me; Jesus was completely sovereign over the whole thing.

Yes, I know that the situation was still allowed to happen – but now I thank God for this because my understanding of who he is and his character has been completely altered and is more correct!  I now fear less and am less anxious because I know that whatever trauma may come my way, no matter how painful, I WILL get through it because God is on my side. 

Traumatic things can happen to each of us – if we call out to God in honesty, He will show us who he truly is.  Don’t be afraid to tell God if you blame Him – but never stop talking to Him  - let Him reveal to you His love for you and how he is not to blame.  Hold onto the God you see in these blogs, even though you may not even be sure this God exists, He will show you that He truly does exist and is FOR you!