Being A Mum in a Man's World

By Rose Lynas

Being a mum is considered one of life's greatest privileges, theoretically at least. Everyone is quick to congratulate, words tripping off the tongue. These thoughtless words are only the beginning; many more will follow.

I approached impending motherhood like I did much else - with careful planning and consequential calm. I had surmounted various challenges in life, a high achiever in diverse fields. I had learnt to hold my own, a determined female charting a path through male terrain. It was precisely this mindset that was to be my downfall.

Genesis warns us that family life will be difficult. Relationships have been fundamentally broken. God accurately described the impact of this brokenness.

Having robustly dismissed the false notion that I am cursed because I am female, I was ready to welcome our daughter into the world, excited that God had entrusted us with such a precious charge.

What I wasn't expecting was to bump into my brokenness with such force. Our daughter was weeks old when I discovered that I had been playing the game, the male game for so long. In my new world these rules simply did not apply. Dismissed from the game I was lost.

Frustration flourished in a potent mix of isolation and lack of productivity, fuelled by tiredness. This was the true pain of childbirth. Within the fog glimpses of a reality beyond reality led the way to my epiphany. Unquestioning, I had accepted the rules, competing rather than challenging the false premise upon which they had been created. I was always set to loose; it was only a matter of time.

I looked back at my life. My self- worth was bound up in my achievements, assessed by their contribution to, and ability to fit into, the system; that wheel that must keep turning for fear that our humanity be exposed. Within such a grid how was a mum to fit? The ends could be plotted easily; it was the means, our daily life that was the problem.


As a baby Jesus entered the world. His existence as a vulnerable, dependant infant spoke truth to power, and power trembled. His purpose - to expose the sham structures of the world by being something entirely other. In the words of His mother, "let it be unto me as You have said." This is the challenge to every mum, every person yearning for another way. It is difficult to see, let alone accept this as a valid alternative when you are within the power structures, when you fit, when your self-worth is continuously massaged, your thinking and questioning self lulled to sleep, deeper and deeper with each turn of the wheel.  

We are not meant to see such truth. We facilitate this deadly deception by active participation in, or passive assent to, prescribed values, priorities and practices, so sure of ourselves and our abilities. We have traded our most precious gift, time, at market value. 

 Change takes time. With baby steps I am growing into an understanding of my Sacred call, caring less about whether my contribution is valued or even noticed. I know that the imperceptible ripple effect of our days can change the world, one gasping for a sip of the wonder and trust that our daughter has in abundance. 

This is not about stay-at-home mums versus their working sisters. All struggle to be taken seriously unless they play by the rules, as real in the office as toddler groups. Who is willing, free or suitably daring to make their choices, to challenge the norm, to be a salvation carrier? In what do we find our self-worth, have we relinquished control? Freedom, it seems, is the last thing we really want. 

Jesus invites us to, "come and see," to put to death all that controls us, to embrace His freedom simply to be, having faith in the strength and wisdom of such vulnerability. 
I am not a mum in a man’s world, but a valued, free human being in God’s world, in which there is no glass ceiling.

What’s in your name?

By Jude Burrows

Names are important to me. My birth name is Judith but I have reclaimed it as Jude. My parents chose this name for me. I hated it when I was a child. I wanted to be a Julie or a Karen. But my parents gave us all biblical / Hebrew names. There’s a Stephen, a Rachel, a Beth, a Kirsty (Rebecca), an Andrew and a Michael as well as a ‘me’. What a godly bunch we must be…!

I too have chosen ‘godly’ (or at least meaningful) names for my kids. I have a Naomi (pleasant), a Sophie (wisdom), a Joshua (Jesus Saves) and a Holly (the evergreen a reminder of eternal life, and the berries a picture of the shedding of Jesus’ blood ). I chose these names for my kids as I wanted to speak something over them, some truth about who they were and would be, and about who their true Father is.

Some of these names fit better than others – my Sophie, for example, is a complete ‘head-the-ball’ (nutter) – and yet perhaps there is wisdom to be found in cutting loose and going a little crazy at times…? Time will tell! Naomi is definitely a pleasant child. Joshua may indeed grow up to be a strong rescuer – his daddy keeps on hoping so – but even if he doesn’t, his name is a constant reminder to me that God called me out of a controlling work situation into a place of freedom and fulfilment. And Holly’s name reminds me that God is Always present, and that His blood covers all things, provides for all things, equips us for all things.

And names are important to God – in the Bible he often chose the name for new babies – ‘Call him Jesus’ – not Joseph like propriety would have suggested. ‘Call him John’ – not  Zachariah like his birth father. And with Jacob (meaning Heel), God gave him the new name ‘Israel’, God-Wrestler, Father of a Nation. God gave them new names, drawing a line under all that had gone before, creating a fresh start, freeing them from their human legacy.

Our names are like a banner over us – a label. And some of us have names we hate or names that have little or no real meaning. 

Some names have negative meanings – at university I shared a house with an Italian girl called Mara, which means ‘bitterness’, and I always wondered how this would affect a person, carrying a name with negative connotations.

And yet I know that we don’t have to live under any negative label – you can choose a new name, even if it’s a secret one that only you know. 

Ask God what HE calls you, how HE sees you, the apple of his eye, His precious child, His perfect creation. Because in knowing our real name, we know our identity, we know the hopes and dreams that He as the perfect parent has poured into us.

If you are a parent, you know how you agonised over the ‘any names yet?’ question. You pored over those baby names books, marvelling at the endless possibilities, at the horrors of getting it wrong. And then you heard or read a name that seemed to have potential and you mulled it over and you weighed it up. You checked the initials wouldn’t spell anything dodgy, you shortened it to see how it would sound yelled by future friends across future playgrounds, you went through all the possible rhyming words to make sure they wouldn’t get called anything awful at school… And when you saw your baby for the first time you tried it out, perhaps secretly to check if it was a good fit. And then you told people, out loud. ‘This is no longer baby girl Burrows (insert your own family name here!). This is _________! She has a name, a title, a banner over her which says _________.’

And even if you didn’t do this, God has done this for each and every one of us. HE has carved our names into the palms of his hands. He knows WHO we are, WHAT we carry, and EVERYTHING that we can be because of what He has sown (sewn!- like a label in our school jumper!) into us.

When we were trying to think of a name for our business we came up with lots of options but none were a good fit. We wanted the initials to be redolent of Handbags and Gladrags (H&G), we wanted it to say everything about the purpose behind the shop in a few words (impossible!!!) and we had an idea that it should be two women’s names, kind of kitsch, kind of fun but oh-so-meaningful. And Hope & Gloria was a name bestowed upon us by God – it truly feels like a banner that says all that we can’t.

I have long known that my name was significant, not just because my parents wanted to give me a good legacy and bestow meaning and purpose on my life, but because God has called me, God knows me way better than I know myself. St Jude is the Patron Saint of hopeless and lost causes. I always thought this was kind of sad, but I now know it to be an amazing and wonderful thing. To be an ambassador for the lost! To seek out and find hidden treasure! To find new purpose and meaning for things that others see as nothing, as useless, as trash. What a calling! And how well the Father knows me, that he could call these things out in me way before I understood that names were more about Passion than Fashion.

What does your name mean? And do you need a fresh start? Because the God that gave Abram the new name, Abraham,  ‘Father of many Nations’, can also give you a new name if you need it or can restore the original design in the one bestowed on you at birth. His Banner over you is LOVE. x

Lord Send Someone Else

By Julie Busteed

About five or six years ago I remember having a conversation with my husband, Stephen about our gifts; Stephen is gifted in lots of ways, or so he thinks, no seriously he is and uses many of these for God.   I on the other hand felt I had no gifts, at all, let alone use one for God.   Awh I hear you say……..

How wrong was I…..

I have always been creative and enjoy crafting anything and everything, but to me this was not a gift this was just something I did.  Isn’t God so amazing that he took what I loved and opened a door for me to use it for his Glory?  

I remember so well having a very brave conversation with Tori, on the floor, in the kitchen at the old Dunnes Stores building (Tori is a little bit sophisticated now, she takes you for coffee to have these conversations).  Tori mentioned to me, in her most persuasive manner about leading a Life Group. Creations was born, there and then.  I still get goose bumps thinking about how God just came right down into the middle of that room and gave me the courage to say, “Yes I so want to do this”. 

I have always felt like I was a Moses, “send someone else Lord”!!

Exodus: 4  10But Moses pleaded with the LORD, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”
11Then the LORD asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD? 12Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”
13But Moses again pleaded, “Lord, please! Send anyone else.”

That’s me!!!!!!!  I am sure some of you recognise yourself in that passage also.

I was happy to sit in the background and not be seen or heard and just quietly get on with life.

I have in the past spent my life living in the shadow of my husband, but no more.  God has an amazing plan for me, yes me.  He wants to have a relationship with me, yes, wee me.  Not Stephen and his wife or the mother of his children but me, Julie the person he created me to be.  He gave me the gift of “craftiness," to share with others and bring Glory to him, and I love Him so much for that, and I am so thankful for this gift and how much I have been able to use it in such a short time.

You too can use your God given gift….

Romans 12  The Message
12 ^1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

When I have had a stressful day or just need to settled my head there is nothing more relaxing for me to do than just sit at the table in my kitchen, looking out at the beautiful view from the window which God has blessed me with (that’s another story for another day) and make unique jewellery. Having created something beautiful that someone else might just love gives me so much pleasure.

“Creations”, is just like that, full of ladies who share the same interest or just want to come along to learn a new skill and get to know people.  We share our skills, stories, funny and Godly and just enjoy each other’s company.  God knows me so well to get me involved in this group of ladies.

You see that is just it, God does know me, and he knew all about what I had to give and created a place for me to do it.  He can and will create that place for you. 

So go on, step out of that boat, test the water.  Your gift is unique and God given, he will help and prepare you in every way for whatever he has for you to do.

He did it for me.

I was recently involved in a Vinyard Compassion event teaching ladies to make jewellery….nothing spectacular but they made beautiful angel key rings.   As I was sitting talking to one of these ladies assisting her whilst she made a key ring, she said to me, “you have been such a blessing to us, sharing all your skills and talents and I want to thank you”.  You could have knocked me over with a feather, I felt so overwhelmed by this that I could feel myself filling up with tears, because here I was all the time thinking how blessed I was using my gift that I never stopped to think these ladies saw me as a blessing to them. 

So if you are reading this thinking I have nothing to give, think again……….”God knows the plans he has for you”.

Psst..."Creations Arts and Crafts" group will begin again in the autumn...keep an eye on the CCV website for details. ;)

 

How Do You Do Life “Not Normal”?

By Beccy Riley

Today I did something outside of my comfort zone. 

If you’re anything like me, you have a deep longing to be living a wild adventure, full of crazy stories, mad peril and fabulous happy endings. An out of the ordinary different life that is unique and inspiring and means something.  Yet often I find myself in the ordinary.  Doing the school run, paying the bills, washing the clothes, making the dinner, feeling very…. Well… normal.

Normal has always equated to boring to me.  I always said as a teenager that I didn’t want to have a normal boring life! I didn’t want to be like everyone else.!! But now with 2 kids and another due in a few weeks, in the day to day, normal can become easy.  It can become routine and it can become safe. In some ways normal is both compelling and repugnant to me in equal measures. 

Those moments when I just start to feel a bit bored again is when I feel God speak back to me…. ” I don’t want to live a boring normal life. I don’t want to be like everyone else.”

I know then that something needs to happen.  That I need to make something happen.  That I need to step up to who I was born to be and stop hiding in the normal.

It’s so tempting to hide, to be someone you’re not actually created to be because it seems easier and less scary and you don’t actually know what might happen if you embrace what’s in you and what might come out of you.  It’s tempting to settle when you’re not quite sure how to start to be yourself and how to live beyond yourself on a wild adventure.

I hid for a while, when I embarked on motherhood and I didn’t have a clue how to do it all.  Didn’t know how to put all the pieces together.  But it’s very true what Jesus says, “Use it or loose it”, and for a while I lost my confidence.

But I keep hearing God echo back to me my own words… “I don’t want to live a boring normal life.  I don’t want to be like everyone else.”

“God how do I do this?” I would say.  How do I live the life I know that you’ve designed me for when I am married with kids? Little kids!

But that’s the beauty. I have been able to meet so many more people since having kids than before! It’s like you are entering into a whole new world, you get a pass into a secret club you never knew existed before, called the I have kids club!

With these new connections comes a whole new world of possibilities to live beyond yourself.

Today I did something out my comfort zone.

Two weeks ago we took the kids on mission with us for the weekend to Cork.

My husband and I are National Directors for a missions organisation called Pais.

We decided to take the kids away with us so that we could all be involved in this mission together. I love that. We were there one day handing out “Because You’re Loved” cards with lollypops to strangers in the street and offering prayer. I got to pray with several wonderful people in the middle of Cork city as they were going about their business and I saw a change in their eyes as I invited the Holy Spirit onto them and into their circumstances. It was wonderful.  It was wonderful to see my boys aged 5 and 4 be a part of this experience and see it as this is what we do.  I was energised by doing this and really felt like this is the kind of life I am meant for.

But it was today I really stepped out of my comfort zone.

I was at a party for my 5 year old son’s friend.  All the parents stayed and we had a lovely afternoon.  I got chatting to one mum who was telling me about her Crohn’s disease and how bad it was and how she was on 40 tablets a day. She was sharing about how it has given her terrible mouth ulcers and how even with injecting herself each week at home and even with all this medication, it’s still not under control. 

Inside me, I was thinking…. I know I have the answer right here…. I know I can offer her Jesus…. This is a risk…. This is someone I have to see every day…. She’s going to think I’m mad…. She’s going to hate it…. She’s going to not like me…. Etc etc.  As we were talking my heart began to beat a little faster and I was reminded of my words.. “I don’t want to live a boring normal life…” I knew that I needed to offer her prayer and Jesus.

So I did.  

I asked if she had considered prayer and if I could pray for her.

What do you think happened?

She said, “You can if you want. I’m willing for you to give it a try, it can’t hurt.”

I wanted!  But she really didn’t think it would work.  So I prayed with this wonderful woman sitting at the table in the middle of this party. I asked her if there was any change in the mouth ulcers. There wasn’t.  With a bit of fear, I said I would pray one more time and then I will leave her alone. I prayed again, a little bolder this time. I asked fearfully again, “any change?” She said, “well actually the ulcer that was sore doesn’t really hurt any more!” She also said that she has blood tests every 4 weeks so will be able to see if there is any change in the Crohn’s disease soon.

She opened her life story to me including her pain with loosing her faith and how she felt she might possibly get it back one day.  We had a great conversation where I got to share Jesus’ love for her and how he was pursuing her.

Was it as bad as I dreaded?

NO!
Did it feel as exciting as I hoped?

YES!

As we got into the car to drive home I said to my husband WOW! He said – “good party?” I said – ”Yes, but it was AMAZING to share Jesus with my friends!”

How do you do ministry and kids? How do you do life “not normal”? You connect with the people around you listen to their pain and hurting and you bring the life and love of Jesus right there.

There is nothing boring about that.  There is nothing normal about that.

Is it easy? Not always, but whoever said that a wild crazy adventure was easy?

It’s the life I was born for and I know that it can also be the adventure for EVERYONE who is willing to say, “OK, Jesus, I’m going to give it a go!”

My Roots Are Showing

By Shirley Rogers

I enjoy the programme 'Who do you think you are?' One of my favourite episodes was when the comedian and presenter of Pointless, Alexander Armstrong, not only found various lords and ladies, dukes and earls in his family tree but traced his roots right back to King William 1, better known as William the Conqueror.

It gave me a lightbulb moment!! Father God used the highlight of this programme to highlight that I have Royal roots too. I'm a daughter of the King of Kings!! But it's one thing to know something in your head as information and quite another to live life with that knowledge at the core of your being.  I've been on such a 'head to heart' journey over the past year.

For many years I've been known as "Andy's wife", "Leigh-Ann and Zoe's mum", "my Spanish teacher", "my small group leader" etc but mainly my sense of who I was came from what I did and the more I did, the better I felt about myself.

In March 2012, I was diagnosed with Post Viral Fatigue. I had been struggling with ill health all winter but tried to keep going in my own strength until one day I just came to a very abrupt halt. I couldn't work so no job meant no income. I couldn't go to small group or church so I felt cut off from community. I loved walking every day and enjoyed climbing in the Mournes but now I could hardly climb the stairs!! I like being outdoors but was stuck indoors, mostly in bed. I went from seeing about 900 people a week to seeing less than 9. Life felt very different and very, very difficult.

Although there was many a day I groaned about this journey, I can now see how much I have grown and I'm so grateful for all I have learned. Many a morning I listened to the words,

"Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"

  Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—

    “Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me!

and repeated over and over and over "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow".

Deep down I knew that even if I was instantly healed and could have returned immediately to work and walking, to community and church, it wouldn't be enough! I needed more in my life. I needed to know God's love for me in the depth of my heart rather than just in my head. When I find out who He is, I find out who I am. And through His Word, the words of friends, books and podcasts, He has shown me so much about His love. There is nothing I can do to make God love me more and there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less. Having to spend my day  in bed made me realise how much he loved me when I couldn't 'do' and I just had to 'be'.

Our girls grew up in Narnia. They loved hearing the stories of Susan the gentle, Lucy the valiant, Edmund the just and Peter the magnificent. Oh for a name like that! I felt more like Shirley the fearful, the worrier, the control freak, the approval seeker, the impoverished orphan ... But this year as I've found out more about who He is, I've found out more about who I am and I've heard Him call me by my real name - Shirley, "the much loved child". This is my default setting. It overrides all those other names.

There's so much I could write about the past year but one of the highlights was the opportunity and privilege to do Encounter and learn more about my royal identity. "My child you are unique. Designed to express love perfectly to those in your sphere of influence." As I was writing this blog, I had an 'encounter' on my doorstep and got to pray for my window cleaner's brother who has MS. I love that wherever I am, He is already there and I get to do what I see my Father doing. I get to partner with Him to release His goodness and as Bill Johnson writes "every time we pray for someone, His glory is released into the atmosphere".

For once in my life, I'm glad 'my roots are showing'!! Are yours?