By Vicki Maher
After an extremely
hard year, three months ago, my dad lost his long battle with cancer. We
spent his 61st birthday in casualty at the Ulster Hospital in
Dundonald. He passed away the next morning. Although he had been sick for
a while, it still didn’t make the end any easier. Over the past few years,
I realised not only did I have the same ridiculously good looks as my dad, but
we also had the same personality and sense of humour. I guess it makes
sense that my coping mechanism in any situation, like my dad, is humour.
When I was at his
bedside I felt as if God was telling me that I had to pray for someone else in
casualty. So in my way, I very clearly told God, "No." How wrong was I? Then in my way again, I had
a tiring "argument" with God that I was destined to lose.
Just then a mobile
x-ray machine came to take an image of my dad, so I had to leave. As I was
going to the waiting room, a lady grabbed me, saying that she knew me from my
previous church. (What an amazing kop out card for me...now how could I argue that I should pray for her?!) Her husband
had been in a horrific motorbike accident and was in waiting to be taken to
another hospital for surgery. Being told he may have severed nerves in his
spine and unable to walk, no focus in his eyes, broken ribs, brain damage- the
list was endless. Before I knew it I had asked if I could pray for her husband.
The second I lay
my hand on his shoulder he looked directly at me, I prayed a short prayer
taking authority over his injuries, declaring that when he was taken to surgery
the things that they thought were wrong, would not be. He left to go to
surgery.
Later that night I spoke to my friend, who knew his daughter. I was
told that when he had arrived at surgery the things that they thought were wrong,
were not. And the things that were wrong would heal in their own time. The day
after my dad’s funeral the man was released from hospital, walking. Two months
on he and his wife have been doing mountain walks!
Even though I was going
through one of the most horrendous moments of my life, I realise now that I decided to choose
well in that moment. God provided that opportunity and I took it.....eventually.
I have realised
that through the pain and the hurt, I am put on a pedestal to those around me
that don’t know Jesus. My actions and how I react in these seasons will show
what my foundation is truly built on. Will they see me in my darkest hour
crying out to God and still surrendering my all to Him? Standing firm and
declaring that God is good in every season, the bad and the good? Or will I run
away to find comfort in something worthless. I have been there; I have tried to
find comfort in the bad choices. I’ve even tried to find comfort in what seemed
to be good things, but they still weren’t God's best for me.
Even when our
circumstances seem unbearable, God's response to our obedience will always
release the nature of heaven into our situation. Trust me, you don’t need to
have it all together; you don’t even need to pretend to have it all together
for God to use you. It’s about standing up and stepping out in the storm. When
I prayed in the hospital I hadn’t slept, eaten or showered in 2 days, I was a
delight... I’m sure that is exactly how some of the Bible characters smelt when
God called them.
The life giving
ability that God brings can only be embraced totally when we have nothing left
to give Him except ourselves, whole heartedly. When you turn to that place of
vulnerability with God, He will take you to a whole new level of intimacy with
Him.
Please know as I
am typing this that my heart is completely broken. I miss my dad more every
day. I am a mess and I definitely don’t have it all together, I know I have a
long journey ahead of me. However, I am thankful to have an incredible
community of huggers around me. They ensure that my love of laughing and joking
continues.
I don’t know what
battle you are facing, but never give up. I’m definitely not saying that it
will be easy, but find the joy when life hurts the most. It may be tiny and
hard to find, but it is there, just keep looking.
“This is what it is to be loved and to know, that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held.” – Natalie Grant.
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