By Mandy Forgrave
How many times have we said that we knew that God loved us but have never really felt that He did? We knew all the stuff in our heads but never really felt it in our hearts . We read all the affirming and encouraging things in the Bible about God pursuing us and singing over us and being the apple of His eye, and yet at times we felt like He had left us and that we certainly weren't the apple of His eye and this singing malarkey, yeah right!
How many times have we believed the lie of the enemy; how many times have we felt not worthy, not good enough, not able enough, not loved enough? You see, the truth of the matter is, we are worthy, we are good enough, we are able and we are certainly loved.
I used to believe all of those negative things about myself, I used to believe that God only loved me because that was His job, that's what God does, " He loves people". I knew it in my head but I never felt it in my heart. I believed the lie of the enemy, I believed that I wasn't good enough. I always felt like the one in the crowd that people were left with or as we say "landed" with. I never felt like I was anyone's first choice. I felt I was always in the way. I always felt people felt obliged to invite me places and if I went, I always felt out of place and awkward, never feeling like I fit in, never feeling good enough.
Anyone who knows me knows that I like to chat! I can't help it, it's automatic! I even believed the enemy's lie that this was my downfall: that I talked too much, that people were fed up listening to me, that people would start to avoid me, that no one wanted me in their company. Sure who would want me? I am nobody's choice. I am the one people are left with.
I had the belief that God was indeed my Heavenly Father, but I believed He was beyond my reach... living away up there, somewhere in the sky, way above me... insignificant me. I had a "head" knowledge of God's love for me, but I had no "heart" knowledge of that love.
I always believed what I read in the Bible . I am a very literal person. If it says it, then I believe it. On the down side of that, if I got something into my head, even a lie from the enemy, I would believe that too. Some of my friends would maybe have described me as gullible!! Believing the lies but ignoring the truth.
I always believed that God was the same yesterday today and tomorrow and that He never moved. He never changed. He was always there, yet why did I never have that close personal connection that others seemed to have? How come I couldn't feel His closeness to me? What was blocking that?
About a year and a half ago, I went to Dublin to be trained in a ministry called Sozo and also have a session myself. Basically, during a session, God reveals any hindrances that are keeping us from having an intimate personal relationship with the Godhead, which is, Father God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. God reveals the lies that we have believed about Him and also about ourselves and He reveals those people who we need to forgive. All these things prevent us from coming into the fullness of who we are in Christ and these things distort our view of God and even of ourselves. Its almost like God clearing away the clutter or pulling the plug and draining away the stagnant waters that have kept us from receiving the fullness of His love and actually believing it. God replaces the lies with truth, His truth. When you hear it from God and you actually believe it, the difference it makes is totally unbelievable! Pardon the pun! Especially when we are talking about believing and not believing! But you get what I mean!!
I no longer believe that God is just my Heavenly Father who is away up there somewhere. I now know and firmly believe that God is my Daddy who is right beside me . I feel His love in my heart. I know He sings over me. I know that I am the apple of His eye. I know that He chose me, In fact, He singled me out. I was in His thoughts even before I was born. I know that He delights in me . I know that I am His pride and joy. I know that His face is always turned towards me. I know that I am His and He is mine and I know that my Daddy loves me, I can feel it, He tells me and He shows me .
My heart knowledge has caught up with my head knowledge,that is what has made the difference.
As I said earlier, I like to talk, I used to believe that it was a hindrance, but now I believe it is a gift. The gift of the Gab! I use this gift to tell others what God really thinks of them, not just what they believe or even the lie that they believe, but the truth, Gods truth. I use this gift to speak into the lives of those who need to hear how precious they are, how amazing they are and how much God loves them because that is the TRUTH.
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