Wide Open Spaces

 By Danielle McElhinney

I have written for the Real Women Blog before. I can’t believe that was almost 2 years ago! You can find it on 2^nd March 2014  with the title: “Living in a Box.”

In the last blog I described my experience of lacking confidence and feeling small and boxed in. I had allowed disappointment and insecurity to build walls around me, hemming me in.

I remember at the time of the last blog that I felt I was on the precipice of something new. God was reviving old dreams and was speaking fresh hope into me. Although my life looked the same on the outside, I knew that something was awakening inside me; I could sense a new wind blowing. I shared the following scripture

Isaiah 54:2-3 NIV“Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left...”

And I gave the warning call “Girls, watch out because I’m stretching out!”

This blog is a catch up on what has happened since then and where I stand today.

In March 2014 I was a stay at home mum. I had had a few part time, temporary or casual jobs but really hadn’t been back in the workplace for 9 years. Well, 2014 was the year to change that. I had been volunteering with Melanie Gibson at the Foodbank for about a year, when a part time finance job was advertised in the church office at CCV. Melanie (my cheerleader) convinced me that I should apply for the job. I was terrified! As I left the interview I was convinced I had just made a fool of myself and that I could never show my face again. However, to my amazement I got the job! Miraculously, Donna Finney, my boss, saw potential in me and gave me an opportunity that I am still so thankful for. My job has been one of the catalysts for the most wonderful changes in my life.

Practically, being back at work has given me a structure and purpose that I was lacking and really needed. Truthfully, I think I had been a stay at home mum for too long and it had made me bored and lethargic. Mentally, work has stretched me till my head hurts. Nevertheless, I have loved learning new things and have been pleased with myself to set and achieve new goals. Whoever says working for a church is an easy ride needs to spend a day at CCV office, we work hard!

In all of this I have grown in confidence. I think I am becoming more and more “the Danielle” I was created to be. Just the other day, one of my colleagues gave me the greatest compliment by saying that I was doing a good job and that they could see so much growth in me. This confirmed so much of what I was sensing in my spirit but wondered was I imagining it.

Probably the biggest influence for change in my last year has been having the opportunity to join the Encounter School of Mission. We are a group of students who are hungry to learn more about God and to see more of His power in action through us. My faith life has been rocked at the core by this experience. I have received teaching which has radically changed how I see myself. There is no more room for self-doubt and insecurity. I am completely convinced that I am loved by God, that He is pleased with me and that the dreams in the depths of my heart over the last 20 years are from Him and are going to come to pass.

This fundamental identity shift has given me the confidence to lay down my fear of what others think of me so that I can step out in risk. I have talked to people about Jesus in Coleraine town; I have prayed for friends and family who are sick or worried; I have even had the privilege of leading others to a personal relationship with Jesus. None of this would have even been on my radar a few years ago!

So when I consider Isaiah 54, which speaks of “enlarging… stretching… and spreading out to the right and to the left” I can’t help but smile. Even if no one else sees it, I know that that’s exactly what has been happening in me over the last 2 years.

 

The thing about stretching is that it isn’t always comfortable. I haven’t always enjoyed the enlarging process. There have been moments when I have felt that I can’t stretch any more. Yet, somehow, God in His generosity has always given me more capacity and continues to do so.

Let me remind you of another scripture that I shared in my first blog.

Romans 5:1-2 (The Message)“By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.”

When I wrote my first blog I was in the first flush of freedom. I had grasped a hold of a hope that freedom could be mine, that God was opening a door to me and that I could stand in a wide open space. Now I am a testimony that the invitation to freedom is not just a possibility but a reality. I may not have fulfilled all my dreams or become all that I hope to be but I am on my way. I find myself standing in a place that feels spacious with room to spread out into.

I now find that I have a voice and I know that I actually have something of worth to give to this world.

And it’s all thanks to God.

I may, at times, have thought that I was making the effort, or that I was opening doors, but the truth is, that it was and is all His grace. He has been so good to me, so kind to me, so patient with me and I am forever thankful.

I am also full of hope for more. I can confidently say that 2016 is going to be a wonderful year! I am sure that God has more uncomfortable stretching in store for me but also some more wide open spaces for me to explore.

My prayer for every person reading this is that they would throw open the doors of their hearts and lives to God so that He may throw open His door to you and that you may experience the freedom and fullness that comes from standing out in the wide open spaces that He has prepared for you.