Mums The Word

by Steph Leckey

As a little girl I used to play with my toys and I had one very special toy that was my favourite, she was a doll called Tiny Tears.  I loved that doll but what I loved most was being her mummy.  When she cried I fed her or changed her nappy and wherever I went she came along too.  

Why am I telling you this? Well hopefully all will become clear.  Writing this blog has not been easy.  It is something personal but I feel that God wants me to share it so here goes...

Like many little girls I dreamt of finding my Prince Charming and of having a family so that I could be a mummy.  For me the first part of this dream has come true because God has given me a very special husband who loves me for who I am.  Bringing us both together was part of God’s BIG plan but for many years I had abandoned hope.  I had been in a marriage that had irretrievably broken down……who would want someone like me, who was used goods, broken emotionally, physically and spiritually?  

God knew best and after many years of tears and pity parties where I was the only guest, God sent me someone who would love me no matter what.  A special man who would support me in the tough times and laugh with me in the good times.

When we find ourselves deep in the shadow of our hurt and pain, it is so hard to lift up our heads and see beyond the darkness.  It’s only when we get beyond our emotions that we see God’s plan was actually more than we had asked Him for in the first place.  

As I said, the first part of my dream has come true, as yet the second part of being a mummy has not.

I think that most women would say they have an inbuilt desire to be a mum.  I suppose it’s the trend that when you’re married a little while children will come along.  For us the journey to be parents has been extremely difficult and I would say it’s like being on a rollercoaster.  I have been through many treatments where the outcome has been another failure and disappointment.

Staying strong in faith and continuing to hope and believe has not been easy.  If I didn’t have faith that God could change my circumstances I don’t know where I would be.  I suppose what I’m trying to say is that the destination God has planned for us may not be where we had planned to go.  The journey to get there may be bumpy and have unexpected turns and dead ends, but all these are for reasons that we cannot comprehend and we still have to believe His plan is more than we asked for.

As a woman longing for a child to call me ‘mummy’ I know that I am not on my own.  God has brought special women into my life to share this journey as it is their journey too.  We stand united by a feeling of loss for something we have never had, with a deep desire in our hearts that we hope one day will be filled.  We stand together with the knowledge that Sara, Rebekah, Hanna and many other women in the bible have prayed the same prayers we are praying and God made the impossible, possible.

To all those women who have been given the gift of being a mother – do not take who you are and what you have for granted.  To those women who are on this journey longing to be a mum or are travelling another difficult road, hold on to your hope and keep it anchored.  God’s plan will always give you more than you dream of or hope for.  

Romans 12 v 12 says ‘Rejoice in our confident hope.  Be patient in trouble and keep on praying’.

As a final thought Epicurus once said ‘Don’t spoil what you have by desiring what you don’t have.  Remember that what you have now was the thing you once hoped for.’