Footprints in the Sand

By Sandra Williams

I grew up as a very shy child lacking in confidence and direction, never wanting to be noticed or to be centre of attention for anything.
  
At 15 years old I came to know God while attending my local church youth fellowship and can remember the incredible peace I felt within.  It wasn't too long after this that I was frustrated with the religious restraints I felt I had to conform to, so church took a backseat.  I didn't know what the true meaning of faith was back then and it would be many years later before I would begin to develop a deeper understanding of the love that surrounds me and always has.

I left home at 18 and that was the beginning of an 8 year journey in education, after 3 years realising I hadn't chosen the right career path and started from scratch on another one. (this was a very significant decision in my life).
  
I went to Art College in Newport, South Wales, where I studied a BA(Hons) in Design. Through numerous projects presentations and "life" my confidence had grown, and at the end of 4 tough but rewarding years, I graduated and for the first time I really felt that I had achieved something to be so proud off (and make my parents proud)!  I got my first real job and to top it all I had met the man of my dreams.  Life for me at this point could not have been any better!

I came back to N. Ireland (8 weeks after graduation and meeting Darryl) for the Christmas holidays, like I always did, as family was and still are incredibly important to me, only this time Darryl followed me a few days later (thought he was a bit keen, but secretly, I was too!).

Next evening we were on our way home after a night out in Portrush, the car slipped on icy roads and fell 50 feet down a cliff.  As the car was falling and crushing around my body, my silent prayer was, "Please God don't let me die."  We waited for what seemed like a lifetime for the ambulance to come and as they lifted me from the wreckage I felt my body tear apart.

I spent the next 2 weeks in intensive care on life support as both my lungs had collapsed, most of my ribs were broken  and my spinal cord completely severed.  I was operated on and 2 Harrington rods screwed onto my spinal column to stabilise my back and allow the bones to heal.  I was given strong doses of morphine which caused me to hallucinate and see pink elephants fly above my bed and wallpaper self-adorn the walls as if it were a private preview of a Disney movie!

Darryl had severe injuries too, a broken breast bone and broken vertebra and in danger of having a massive heart attack, but each day he would write me a poem and send it down to intensive care where a nurse dutifully read it to me.  As I got stronger I remember my parents and sisters stand at my bedside talking to me, telling me all the news they could muster up just to keep me alert.  I remember one night being filled with panic when an alarm sounded and knew I couldn't run to safety. 

I was eventually moved to a ward for a further 3 weeks and have fond memories of the nurses pushing Darryl's bed in beside mine every day and we were allowed to spend some time together.  The day the Doctor told us I would never walk again, Darryl and I fell silent. 

As I began to process these words, I was thankful that I wasn't going to die, my prayer had been answered, but as the reality of the situation sunk further in I was devastated. From this point I began to grieve my loss.
   
I was moved to Musgrave Park Hospital which would be my home for the next 6 months.  I had to learn to live again right from the basics such as sitting up, balance and how to dress myself.   The dreaded day came when they pushed a wheelchair beside my bed and set me in it.  I don't honestly remember how long I sat there but it felt like hours of silent torture! 

Life had changed beyond comprehension, everything would be different now, I couldn't make sense of anything.  Everything I had worked for changed for ever, my job, relationships, life! My confidence hit an all-time low. "Why me?" I felt so sorry for myself, suicidal. I cursed God over and over again and at the same time cried out to Him to change things pleading with Him to help me!
  
Depression set in, I didn't go anywhere on my own for 15 years. During this time I had counselling to help me with the trauma I was suffering. It took three and a half years before I slowly started to gain confidence.   During this time Darryl and I got married and had our 3 amazing children.  All these wonderful gifts came with many challenges and happy memories.   Darryl has been my rock and has loved me and supported me through all these years of tears, frustration, anger and pain.
  
God heard my cries and met me at the school gate!  I was accepted simply for being me and taken by the hand.    From then on things started to change.  It was a slow process, still painful and sometimes unmanageable.  Through worship God has touched me and begun to heal my heart making life more bearable.  He gives me the strength to get up and face each day.

My youngest is 9 and I have had the privilege to be a stay-at-home mum all these years.  But there was more for me; He had more for me.  I am now being creative and designing again, leading workshops at Hope and Gloria and feeling worthy every day.

It is only now when I look back on my journey so far, that He has been with me guiding me every step of the way.   His love for me has been incredible through all this heartbreak, He has shown His mercy, blessed me and given me back more than I ever imagined.  

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
‘You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?’

The Lord replied,
‘The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.’

-Mary Stevenson