Faith, Hope and Love

By Julie Wallace

I was blessed to be born into a wonderful, loving family, a happy family! My two sisters were 15 years older than me so I was spoiled .  We attended church every Sunday I went to Sunday school and Girls Brigade , we had a strong Faith. I had no idea just to what extremes this faith of mine was to be tested from the young age of 12.

I was looking forward to our first family holiday the following day, I was so excited asking “How long to we go?” “How long will it be to we get there?” I think my mum and Dad were probably sick listening to me! My mum had arranged for me to go and play with a friend for the day, so they left me off at her house. I waved them off and I remember saying “when you lift me it will only be 7 hours to we leave!” How wrong was I.

A few hours later the doorbell rang and my friends mum called us down stairs and I couldn’t believe it my two sisters and two family friends were all standing there just looking at me. Then one of my sisters took me in her arms and told me our mother had died. I remember saying don’t be silly she’s not even sick, but it was true. She took a massive heart attack and died suddenly while drinking a cup of tea. 

I refused to go home. Somewhere in my head I told myself that if I didn’t go home it wouldn’t be true. I didn’t cry. I didn’t scream.  I just pretended it wasn’t true. This is how I coped. I blocked it out.  I refused to deal with it. I refused to let anybody in including God. But I remember saying to God that day, “I’m done with you, look at what you have taken from me.”  So in my juvenile mind, that’s what I did.

My Dad and I were both devastated but we had to continue with our lives so we got on with it. My Dad gave up work to be at home for me, and with a strong family surrounding me and supporting me life continued. My Dad decided he would get a health check in the wake of what had happened to me mother. This health check showed abnormalities in his heart and he was admitted to hospital for 2 weeks of further tests. I stayed with my sister and we visited him 2 times a day. Once again I felt God had deserted me, why was my Dad now sick too??  Would God really do this to me?  My dad was diagnosed with a condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy

Considering he had no symptoms this was a shock to us. Then the consultant told us that it was a genetic condition and we were all at risk of developing it so we would all have to have heart scans immediately and be screened every 3 years for the rest of our lives.  My sisters’ children also were to be scanned. There was no cure and the main symptom was sudden death. We were all scanned and my father’s brother was also diagnosed with the condition. At this stage I didn’t realise the seriousness of it all I just knew my Dad wasn’t sick and I thought it would all be fine. How wrong was I.

My father died suddenly with a massive heart attack when I was 17 and sitting my A Levels. So at the age of 17  I had lost my mother, my father, my uncle and was living under the cloak of cardiomyopathy.

I had totally blocked God out of my life. I stopped attending church. I just didn’t want to know Him. I felt he didn’t love me. My faith was gone and I had little hope for my life.

I went off to university.  I was existing not living.

Then I met the wonderful Ryan, my hubby to be. We started going out a few years later. We got engaged. Ryan wanted me to start attending church with him. I thought about it and decided I would go to please him but I was not interested in God. The more I attended my heart became more receptive to God and very slowly I began to let Him in again. It was after the birth of my first child that I gave my life back to God. I realised that my life was in his hands and this gift that he had given me could only come from a God of Love. He had a plan for my life, to be a wife, a mother and servant of God.

I know that God never left my side through my journey but if I had walked it with Him instead of running from Him It would have been easier. I know that the trials I faced made me into the person I am today and I now accept that was the plan God had for my life. 

Everyday I carry these two verses with me –

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

1 Corinthians 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

And it is with His strength, love and my faith that we face our next trial. My sister has recently been diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and we have very difficult decisions to make regarding genetic testing for our children. We will do this with God by our sides knowing he will direct our paths because He is forever faithful and always good.

It is tempting to live in fear.  But as I live my real faith through these real challenges I look to Him and trade my fear for His joy...my weakness for His strength.  With my hope and faith in Him I pray for healing across my family.

And my experience has given me such a sense of compassion and faith to believe for hope in the lives of those that have gone through similar experiences.

It is truly the gifts of faith, hope and love that have sustained my life and WILL sustain my life, my family, my joy, and my peace.