God gave me a New Name

by Nicky Cahill

Before birth I met with death.  And, death stole something from me.  I was born - my twin was not.

My life has been touched by death.  Marred by illness.  Eaten by disease.  Attacked by sickness. Coloured with Pain.

There are times when it was always night.  Pain loomed - lurking round corners then lingered.  Violently swarming in and on my body; like buzzards on a carcass rotting in the desert sun.  This was a period when time lost its form.

Daily Death danced dangerous tunes into my thoughts –unworthy, sick, stupid, careless, dirty, nothing to offer, unwanted, wasted, your life took your twins, rejected, unloved, missing out, lonely, attacked, unlovable, silly, fat, forgotten, ugly, abandoned, shameful, guilty, bitch, not good enough, a mistake – and spun a web of lies around me, into me.   He. Constructed a case.  Made violent accusations. Pointed fingers. Sent nightmares.

But there was another constant voice. Gentle and quiet, sometimes barely audible, only a breath.

YHWH. 

In, YH.

Out, WH. 

His lifegiving breath. My breath.  His name.

YHWH.

YHWH, God, most Holy, on my breath, transcendent and intimate all at once.  In the midst of it all, He was present, as alive as breath.  All I had to do was breathe, and peace came to illuminate, in the darkness against the crashing accusations. A shimmer of hope remained in that breath, in the voice that said,

'You are not alone.  I am here.’ 

This voice I knew intimately, for as I child we had conversed, was God.  My Father.  It was His voice, which called me to His service as a little girl when He spoke to me from Isaiah saying “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said just like the text, “Here am I. Send me!”  The calling on my life, the dreams and visions did not disappear during the pain, but they lifted my head towards Him, who gave them to me. He was always there in the gloom - generous with His presence.

Jesus sat with me, in my sickness.  He comforted me.  He didn't leave me.  He didn’t forsake me to death’s destroying accusations.  He spoke of His love.  He whsipered words of life to me.

Nicky, you are accepted.  Precious.  Redeemed. Rescued. Pursued.  Restored. I will never let you go. My Grace is enough, it is always enough. You are forgiven.  Honoured.  Adored.  My daughter.

He didn’t expect me to do anything other than reach out.  To breathe a prayer, when words were too much.  Much was transcient, but the one thing I was sure of was Jesus presence.

I don’t have a healing event story.

I do, however, have a powerful story, one of the greatness of God, of the peace of His presence in the midst of turmoil.  God saved me from death - taking apart the lies, breaking the curses, healing the abuse, relieving pain, dismantling the walls - and loved me back to life.  He brought great people, alongside me who have walked with me along an often treacherous, aching and seemingly never-ending journey of healing, overcoming and restoration. Into the freedom of the future, the Freedom that Christ has set you and me free for. 

With my life, God has done a new thing, He has as the scriptures tell us  - made a way in the desert and brought streams of water to, what felt like me to be a wasteland.  He has sustained me, put His shield around me, delivered me and lifted my head.  He gave me a new identity, a new name.

A friend of mine in California, Jennifer Camp, wrote on her blog about how she had asked God for a new name and he gave her one. Her, story just bowled me over, and when she invited her readers to ask God for a new name.  I thought, yes.  YES, Father God, I want you to give me a new name too.

I’d been reading her blog while at work and I thought, there’s no time like the present.  There and then, at my desk I whispered out loud, ‘God please give me a new name.’

Immediately a sound came to mind. I spoke it out.  It was a word.  I didn't know what it meant, or how to write it down.  I said it a few times, asked God what it meant, asked Dr Google, got nowhere and went back to my deadline. 

The answer to my prayer didn’t disappear, this sound, this word floated in my head, gently reminding me it was there.  Considering it more deeply a few days later I thought, it’s Hebrew, this word is Hebrew.   Not being a Hebrew speaker, I was a bit flummoxed, as to it’s form or meaning. Life moved on and the word stayed put, front and centre of my mind.

While I was running, God spoke to me.  The word He had given me was the Hebrew word for Health.

Maybe, I thought, just maybe God's new name for me was HEALTH. 

Wanting to be able to write it down, back to our trusty friend Google I went to search for it.  What I found did not make sense with what God was telling me, and the words looked, and sounded very different. 

I was disappointed.

But still this idea lingered, that His new name for me was Health. 

While swimming, I thought, well Jesus spoke Greek maybe I need to look up Health in ancient Greek, possibly Aramaic.  Again this didn't feel right, so I just sat with it.  Knowing God had spoken, not knowing the exact answer.  Weeks passed.

Then something astounding, truly amazing happened...

I was at a Messianic Passover, where the Messianic Jew who lead it was a fluent Hebrew speaker.  At the end of the evening, I was talking to him, and suddenly I felt, a prompting to ask him, what the Hebrew word for Health is.  I asked, and he spoke out the exact word that I had spoken out, sitting at my desk.

I began to shake ever so gently, my heartbeat thumped. The same word, with the same sound.  That I had spoken weeks earlier at my desk. Exactly.  Exactly the same. Tears gathered behind my eyes, until they rolled down my cheeks. He said, the Hebrew word means life and health, and is a common Hebrew name for girls.

Health.  Health.  Health. My name is Health. God’s name for me is Health.

The word is translated from Hebrew to English as Chai, and the Hebrew alphabet character looks like the letter n, but with a little bit coming off the left hand-side.  Numbers and roots of words are important in Hebrew because they have meanings.  The number of the word Chai is 18, which the Messianic Jew explained to me meant long life and survivor, good life, and longevity.

Death came to steal, kill and destroy. Yes there have been tears and suffering. I have wrestled fiercely with death.    But Jesus conquered death, at calvary and because of His sacrifice everything changes.  My soul has been restored, my life changed because of His great love for me.

Death has not won.  Don’t dare believe death has wone, because that is a life.

Love has won, and love will last forever, because God is love. 

And love, love’s you.

Would you like God to give you a new name – maybe you will ask Him right now?

For Zion’s sake I will  not keep silent, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not keep quiet.  Until her righteousness goes forth like brightness, and her salvation like a torch that is burning.  The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; and you will be called by a new name which the mouth of the Lord will designate. You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord.  And a royal diadem in the hand of your God.  It will no longer be said to you, “Forsaken,” nor to your land will it any longer be said, “Desolate”; but you will be called, “My delight is in her.“  And your land, “Married”; for the Lord delights in you, and to Him your land will be married.  For as a young man marries a virgin, so your sons will marry you; and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God will rejoice over you (Isaiah 62:1-5).

Resources

Nicky Cahill’s blog www.saltandsparkle.com

Jennifer Camp’s blog www.youaremygirls.com

Copyright Nicky Cahill, November 2013