Irreplaceable

By Charlotte Finlay

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” 

~Theodore Roosevelt

I didn’t know at first what I was going to write an entire blog post on when this first began, however God has been so clearly telling me this past week that it should be on comparison. What a massive obstacle in our lives as women!!

I know that this is something that not just teenage girls, like me struggle with, but it’s something that women of all ages, and all stages of life struggle with. I absolutely adore how we at CCV celebrate women and together are on the move to bring the kingdom to where we are in life right now. So why is it that we so often play the ‘comparison game’? Why is it that we so often want to be like our friend or our sister, be it in looks, personality or intelligence?

 I have a younger sister, Rachel. We get told all the time how alike we are, but we’re so very different. We often compare ourselves to one another, until we have to remind each other what we’re doing. It’s so easy to lose sight of God’s heart and his unique purpose for each of us, to get tangled up in a society where beauty is everything and who you are is everything. I think the reason for our comparing is this: we are constantly trying to reach unattainable expectations that we create for ourselves, and we can never quite make it to this ‘standard’. We constantly feel inadequate, or the common ‘not good enough’ and we start to believe these lies we speak to ourselves. We may wish we were more outgoing and bubbly, or funnier, or more gifted. You may look in the mirror and be able to list the imperfections but God’s list of perfections is never ending. We focus on what we don’t have and forget what we have been given. I also think our culture has a lot to do with this, in that we as women are so very good at praising others and finding the good and the wonderful in others, yet are so quick to see our own flaws. We wish all the time for her figure, her personality, her wardrobe. How are we going to be able to lift others up when we are constantly tearing ourselves down?

We constantly want to exchange ourselves in place of someone else, and we don’t realise how damaging it is to us. For when we compare ourselves to other women we are robbing ourselves of our worth and our value. When we don’t feel worthy or valuable we become less capable of changing this world and bringing joy and freedom to the lives of those around us. We don’t have time to wish we were someone else; our time is now. We are each individual and different. No one can do Charlotte like I do her, and no one can do you like you do her. You have something SO special to give! When we each know that we are irreplaceable and that what we have to give, quirks, flaws, the whole package, is needed, we are going to bring change. Society today is crying out for women who know who they are and to whom they belong; women who refuse to listen to the lies that have been spoken over them, that they aren’t pretty enough, smart enough or good enough. Society needs women who refuse to waste their precious time comparing their worth because they know that what they have to give to this world is beautiful and different and needed.

The world needs women who refuse to continue seeking their worth through the game of comparison but instead through Jesus. Your worth is more than your waist size, your face without make up, your hair in the morning, the label on your clothing. You are defined by your Father in heaven. You are His daughter with whom he is so pleased, always. Only He can determine your worth.

My New Year’s resolution this year is to not compare myself to other girls and women and to embrace my quirks and qualities (flaws included); to be at peace with who my Father made me to be. I encourage each of you reading this to do the same, for in so doing you are free to love, live with joy and make a difference in this world. So embrace YOU this year. You are irreplaceable.

True Beauty

 By Sonya Finlay

“I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren’t pretty, or smart, or young. They’re still princesses.”
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, A Little Princess

I have always struggled a little with “feeling beautiful” but I have learned that true beauty is not about looks and so much more about the heart.  I had a very serious accident when I was three (of which I remember nothing) but it resulted in severe scarring on my face.  As I grew up, I struggled with my image and feeling I didn’t measure up.  I suppose this made me feel self-conscious and shy and I found it difficult walking into a room of people.

As I reflect, I know that I probably focused too much on my image and not enough on my identity.  Of course, as women and girls, we all want to look and feel beautiful.  But I am learning that beauty is about so much more than how we look.  You see we are all princesses, beautiful to God and treasured by him.  He does not see our scars and blemishes but smiles as He reflects on the beauty of His daughters.  When we really grasp the truth of our identity in God, we look at ourselves and others in a different light.

As I have been reflecting on this, the story of Esther has come to my mind.  Queen Esther was beautiful, but that is not why we remember her story.  We remember her story because of her courage, her compassion, her love for her people.  She reflected true beauty.

I want to make a difference in the world.  I have two beautiful daughters, but I encourage them to focus on having beautiful hearts.  I am passionate about young women grasping their identity as princesses, daughters of the King of kings.  It is so important for us to encourage and compliment each other not only on our outside beauty but also on our inside beauty.

So once we truly know our identity as God’s treasured possession – let’s focus on chasing after true beauty – beauty that has courage to stand up for those who have no voice, beauty that has compassion for the poor, the forgotten, the orphans, beauty that sees the best in others and encourages and brings joy and light.

To finish, here is a little song ‘Beautiful For Me,’ which I came across a few years ago.  It sums up how God sees us and loves us. 

http://youtu.be/orc4TuIO56s

People Watching

By Roberta Jarvis

You might not know it but I am a people watcher! I LOVE it! It’s one of my all time favourite past times and it’s up there with talking and connecting with others.

Recently I’ve been thinking …which I might add I do a LOT … about the time I spend alone with God and if I’m being REALLY honest my quiet moments have been squished into very small moments and I’m working on it (Got a great tip recently though … put a blanket over your head in the midst of the madness when the kids are surrounding you… thanks Gillie a great idea!) 

Right lets not get off track Roberta … so people watching … just like spending real quality time with God it has got to be done not when you're in the midst of the madness but when you take time to move out to the side. When you take the time to move out from the crowd and step back from what’s going on around you and observe life from a different view point, in those moments you've taken time to notice others and God can OPEN your eyes to the bigger picture! 

You might not be like me and that is great, but you may be like me and theres nothing you love more than being in the midst of a central hub of activity. Wherever you are on this scale I urge you to take time out to people watch! Now don’t be grabbing a chair, a clip board and plonk yourself smack bang in the middle of the street taking notes! Do it in a quiet non obtrusive manner, non judgemental, embracing the rhythm of the community that surrounds you. 

Let me ask you a couple of questions?! Will you be the one who takes time on a Sunday morning to notice the person who sits alone, or the young woman who hangs around the building until the very last minute, desperate to be invited back to lunch because she wants to feel part of something more?

God places the lonely in families …
Psalm 68:6 NLT

Will you see the mum who's exhausted and struggling with small children who needs support and reassurance that it’s going to be ok? Will you see the girl who's secretly crying in the toilets because she's bearing the pain of a broken down relationship? 

He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted …
Isaiah 61;1 NIV


Will you take the time to see what God sees? 

Taking the time away from the vibrant hub of activity and making yourself invisible provides a precious opportunity to make others visible!

So go, get to it and do some people watching ladies!!!

Administration. The Holy Spirit. How on earth do they combine?

by: Katja Bruyninckx

On Sundays I used to hear about 'bringing the Kingdom into your day-to-day life' and I would be all excited.

Then I would think about my job.

My admin job.

Where I sit behind a desk. I answer phone calls & emails, write up policies & procedures, print stuff, work on the website... I really struggled with the question "How on earth am I supposed to bring the Kingdom HERE?"

For a while I was convinced that the only way for me to 'help with the Kingdom' was to start volunteering in a 'real' ministry, like kids work. And to be honest: our kid's ministry scares me to bits! I've served there for a while, but afterwards I just felt completely drained (please hear me right: I love what the kids ministry is about! but a room full of balls flying around is just not for me...).

But... when I organise, bring structure, make an Excel sheet.... that is when I come to LIFE. And I really, really felt like I was a 'freak'.

About two years ago, I was having one of those 'feeling-like-a-freak-moments' and that's when this Bible verse hit me:

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And in the church God has appointed (...) those with gifts of administration (...) (1 Corinthians 12:27-28 NIV).

It felt like I was struck by thunder: did the Bible really speak about administration? What was that all about?

That's when God started to take me on an exciting journey. He showed me that He's not interested in 'ticking-lists-for-ticking-sake' administration. It doesn't excite Him (or me!) in the least. Instead, God is interested in Administrators who join Him in creating the structures which are vital to enable and to protect life.

I think this is beautifully illustrated in the Creation story where there is a mixture of creation of new, alternated by the creation of structure (which is Administration to me). Through these verses, other Bible passages and teachings by very clever people, God showed me that He wants Administrators to be realised: they are creators. Creators of structure, but creators all the same.

God wants His Administrators to take their place in the 'dance' between them creating structure so others can create new so that Administrators can create structure and others can create new again. It is absolutely beautiful and exciting when you become part of this, because:

Printing a document transforms into releasing a teacher to teach.

Writing up a website changes into connecting a need with a solution.

Answering a phone call becomes an opportunity for a prophetic encounter.

I now realise that Administration and the Holy Spirit: it's a match made in Heaven which we get to bring into this earth! That is the kind of Administration that gets me excited. And if you're at all administratively active: that is what you called to do!

I can already hear some of you saying 'no way, I'm not doing that, in my case I'm really just entering information or making copies'. And that's exactly what the enemy wants you to think. Because the moment you start to realise the POWER of the spiritual gifting of Administration you're operating in, the enemy is in BIG TROUBLE!

I could go on for another two pages about why I believe this and what it looks like... but I won't do that here. Instead, I would like to encourage you with this: God wants us to desire all the Gifts of the Spirit. This includes Administration. So are there areas of administration in your life that could be used for His kingdom?

'Hop on the bus... God's on the move!'

By Alyson Reid

This is simply my story. It's a script that only God could write  - one that I'd never have chosen for myself and yet I totally love every day of this adventure with Him.

One regular autumn morning in 2009, just driving my 4 girls to school, I saw, in my mind, a vision of a children's choir that I felt was from God. They were singing so joyously, dancing and praising God and I felt He gave me the words 'Raise the Roof'.  It was so powerful that I was in floods of tears by the time I got to the school gate.  But I honestly had no desire whatsoever to begin a children's choir in Ballymena! So for 2 years I watched and waited, sensing there was more to come. In November 2011 I suffered a serious attack of pancreatitis and spent a week in hospital. When I was least expecting God to reveal His plans, I really believe He spoke to my heart again.

On the Friday evening that I was released from hospital I stopped at a friend's house on the way home and met a pastor from Uganda called Moses who was staying with them.   He told me about his work planting churches and building schools and that he had a children's choir who travelled the world raising awareness of the plight of vulnerable children in Uganda. The following Sunday Moses came to Causeway Coast Vineyard and afterwards we set off to see a robot milking parlour thanks to my husband Hugh! En route I played a kids worship CD in the car as we had loads of little girls in the back! When I heard 'Hop on the bus, God's on the move, there's a seat for me, there's a seat for you...' I was moved to tears again as I felt that was God revealing to me that his plan was for me to form a children's choir in Ballymena, then at some point He would bring over a choir of children from Uganda, these two choirs would sing together and through 'Raise the Roof' we would build a school in Uganda.

An enormous project! I hadn't a clue where to start! I'd never been on any mission trips overseas, I had no knowledge of Uganda, never mind how to build a school. The only thing I could offer was a "Yes Lord!"

So I gathered a group of friends round my kitchen table one Monday evening and decided to make a start. We concluded that in order to raise the £75,000 it would take to complete the project we would need to travel with the choir outside of Ballymena. I made a throw away comment 'Pity we couldn't find a bus over a hedge somewhere.' Three days later, I was in the car with my 4 girls and a friend on a really random errand, heading up a country road that I've never been on before or since, when to my absolute amazement I saw an old double decker bus peeping over a hedge in a junk yard. I drove in and told the owner my whole vision of how "I needed a bus which God would fill with singing children to build a school in Uganda!"

So Raise the Roof kids choir was formed in September 2012. Within seven months they were given their very own 30 year old Leyland double decker bus - (an exact replica of the one I felt God showed me in the junk yard because it needed to have a 'low deck' to fit into our cattle shed when not in use! God in the detail!) The bus was ferried over from England courtesy of Stena and sprayed our signature colour of bright yellow by Wrightbus, Ballymena - all as gifts in support of our project.  

In March 2013 the children sang at Stormont with The Lord Mayor Gavin Robinson  "Cast your burdens unto Jesus for He cares for you." We currently have over 70 children from all backgrounds and denominations who delight in meeting every Saturday afternoon in Ballymena to sing. They have given numerous concerts and are well on target to making this vision a reality.

In October 2013, through the African focussed charity, Fields of Life, our children had the opportunity to spend time and rehearse with a choir of young people from Uganda who were touring with Nathan Jess to build a school. We gave a joint concert in Coleraine Girls High School which was such a memorable experience for our children and the fulfilment of what God had spoken to me originally.  This is our God of 'the immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine!' (Ephesians 3:20)

When our children sing I can feel the Father's delight because He's building and creating something new - that's who He is, that's what He does best! He is building first in our own hearts, then, through the joy of young voices singing in a big yellow bus, vision and bigger dreams are spilling into the wider community and one day all the way to hundreds of children and their families in Uganda. Already our 7 year olds are asking what price is a ticket to Uganda.

God is on the move! What dreams and visions has He placed in you that makes your heart sing? It might not look like you'd planned! But take a risk .... hop on the bus.... there's a seat for me, there's a seat for YOU!

Who You Are Is Enough

By Kathryn Scott

I distinctly remember sitting on the back lawn chatting to my Grandma at her house one summer day when I was about 4 years old.  She was asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I told her that I wanted to be a teacher, or a missionary, or a minister’s wife.... oh, and wrinkly - because that would mean I’d spent my whole life smiling :)

As you know, I got to fulfill the dream of becoming a pastor’s wife when I married the handsome Alan Scott at the ripe old age of 21.  And now closer to 40, am inching ever nearer to the reality of ‘wrinkly’, (well, ‘crinkly’ at least).  But I never thought I’d end up becoming a song writer, or a worship leader.  And truth to tell, I never had any ambition or desire to do so either.  That is, until the Lord started to let me in on what He was thinking.

It was while I was studying Theology at Bible College that the Lord began to speak.

I had written songs since the age of 9.  The year I turned 20 I was given quite a number of prophetic words that I was going to write songs people across the world would use as their worship to Jesus.  I could barely wait to get started!  I assumed the transition from writing the ministry type of songs I’d written all those years into writing worship songs would be a seamless, wonderful stroll in the park.  Not entirely the way things worked out though.

All of a sudden I went from writing a song or two a week, to not being able to write a single note.  At first I thought it was just a blip, and maybe when I tried again next week, it would come back. 

I tried again. 

Still nothing. 

After a year, I’d started to give up hope that I’d ever write again, and it felt horrible.  It felt like my arms had been cut off.  This was the way I expressed myself to God, and how I understood my place in the world.  I felt lost.

After two years, I still wrestled with it from time to time, and tried to write again, but songs still wouldn’t come.  I’d begun the journey of finding out who I was, even if I never wrote another song.

By the third year, I’d set the words spoken over me into a treasure box in my heart; something I could revisit if the Lord ever wanted me to, but at long last I was ready to make peace with it all.  It didn’t matter as much any more anyway because I’d finally ‘got it’, that I was a child of God, and whatever He put in my hands was the gift that I would use to bring Him honour.  It could look the way He wanted, and was nothing to do with His love for me, or who I was.  I was HIS.  I wasn’t ‘in’ because of what I could do.  I was ‘in’ because I belonged to Him, and that was enough.

I thought that would be the pattern for the rest of my life, and I couldn’t have been happier.  Song writing had become a happy memory.

Until one night, deep in the middle of the night, I woke up with lyrics going round in my head.  I’d almost forgotten what that felt like, it had been a whole three years!  I grabbed a pen and paper and jotted them down.  Honestly, they weren’t very good, and I knew it at the time too, but they were lyrics, real, actual lyrics.  I wasn’t at all sure that song writing was coming back, but I was totally OK with that.  I didn’t need it anymore.  I only needed Jesus!

Several weeks later, something started brewing in my heart.  It was a whole song this time, it was ‘Child of God’.  A few short weeks after that, I wrote a song called ‘Hungry’.  That was just the beginning, and what a beginning it was too.

Those songs, and many since, have become songs that the Church at large does use on Sundays and in services to sing out her worship.  It is the most incredible fulfillment of what Jesus spoke to me when I was 20 years old.  But the privilege, the wonder, where the life is for me, is in the belonging!  I thoroughly became His when I was between the dreaming and the coming true, and there is nothing in the world more precious to me than that.

Who I am - who you are is enough because of who we belong to.

God gave me a New Name

by Nicky Cahill

Before birth I met with death.  And, death stole something from me.  I was born - my twin was not.

My life has been touched by death.  Marred by illness.  Eaten by disease.  Attacked by sickness. Coloured with Pain.

There are times when it was always night.  Pain loomed - lurking round corners then lingered.  Violently swarming in and on my body; like buzzards on a carcass rotting in the desert sun.  This was a period when time lost its form.

Daily Death danced dangerous tunes into my thoughts –unworthy, sick, stupid, careless, dirty, nothing to offer, unwanted, wasted, your life took your twins, rejected, unloved, missing out, lonely, attacked, unlovable, silly, fat, forgotten, ugly, abandoned, shameful, guilty, bitch, not good enough, a mistake – and spun a web of lies around me, into me.   He. Constructed a case.  Made violent accusations. Pointed fingers. Sent nightmares.

But there was another constant voice. Gentle and quiet, sometimes barely audible, only a breath.

YHWH. 

In, YH.

Out, WH. 

His lifegiving breath. My breath.  His name.

YHWH.

YHWH, God, most Holy, on my breath, transcendent and intimate all at once.  In the midst of it all, He was present, as alive as breath.  All I had to do was breathe, and peace came to illuminate, in the darkness against the crashing accusations. A shimmer of hope remained in that breath, in the voice that said,

'You are not alone.  I am here.’ 

This voice I knew intimately, for as I child we had conversed, was God.  My Father.  It was His voice, which called me to His service as a little girl when He spoke to me from Isaiah saying “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said just like the text, “Here am I. Send me!”  The calling on my life, the dreams and visions did not disappear during the pain, but they lifted my head towards Him, who gave them to me. He was always there in the gloom - generous with His presence.

Jesus sat with me, in my sickness.  He comforted me.  He didn't leave me.  He didn’t forsake me to death’s destroying accusations.  He spoke of His love.  He whsipered words of life to me.

Nicky, you are accepted.  Precious.  Redeemed. Rescued. Pursued.  Restored. I will never let you go. My Grace is enough, it is always enough. You are forgiven.  Honoured.  Adored.  My daughter.

He didn’t expect me to do anything other than reach out.  To breathe a prayer, when words were too much.  Much was transcient, but the one thing I was sure of was Jesus presence.

I don’t have a healing event story.

I do, however, have a powerful story, one of the greatness of God, of the peace of His presence in the midst of turmoil.  God saved me from death - taking apart the lies, breaking the curses, healing the abuse, relieving pain, dismantling the walls - and loved me back to life.  He brought great people, alongside me who have walked with me along an often treacherous, aching and seemingly never-ending journey of healing, overcoming and restoration. Into the freedom of the future, the Freedom that Christ has set you and me free for. 

With my life, God has done a new thing, He has as the scriptures tell us  - made a way in the desert and brought streams of water to, what felt like me to be a wasteland.  He has sustained me, put His shield around me, delivered me and lifted my head.  He gave me a new identity, a new name.

A friend of mine in California, Jennifer Camp, wrote on her blog about how she had asked God for a new name and he gave her one. Her, story just bowled me over, and when she invited her readers to ask God for a new name.  I thought, yes.  YES, Father God, I want you to give me a new name too.

I’d been reading her blog while at work and I thought, there’s no time like the present.  There and then, at my desk I whispered out loud, ‘God please give me a new name.’

Immediately a sound came to mind. I spoke it out.  It was a word.  I didn't know what it meant, or how to write it down.  I said it a few times, asked God what it meant, asked Dr Google, got nowhere and went back to my deadline. 

The answer to my prayer didn’t disappear, this sound, this word floated in my head, gently reminding me it was there.  Considering it more deeply a few days later I thought, it’s Hebrew, this word is Hebrew.   Not being a Hebrew speaker, I was a bit flummoxed, as to it’s form or meaning. Life moved on and the word stayed put, front and centre of my mind.

While I was running, God spoke to me.  The word He had given me was the Hebrew word for Health.

Maybe, I thought, just maybe God's new name for me was HEALTH. 

Wanting to be able to write it down, back to our trusty friend Google I went to search for it.  What I found did not make sense with what God was telling me, and the words looked, and sounded very different. 

I was disappointed.

But still this idea lingered, that His new name for me was Health. 

While swimming, I thought, well Jesus spoke Greek maybe I need to look up Health in ancient Greek, possibly Aramaic.  Again this didn't feel right, so I just sat with it.  Knowing God had spoken, not knowing the exact answer.  Weeks passed.

Then something astounding, truly amazing happened...

I was at a Messianic Passover, where the Messianic Jew who lead it was a fluent Hebrew speaker.  At the end of the evening, I was talking to him, and suddenly I felt, a prompting to ask him, what the Hebrew word for Health is.  I asked, and he spoke out the exact word that I had spoken out, sitting at my desk.

I began to shake ever so gently, my heartbeat thumped. The same word, with the same sound.  That I had spoken weeks earlier at my desk. Exactly.  Exactly the same. Tears gathered behind my eyes, until they rolled down my cheeks. He said, the Hebrew word means life and health, and is a common Hebrew name for girls.

Health.  Health.  Health. My name is Health. God’s name for me is Health.

The word is translated from Hebrew to English as Chai, and the Hebrew alphabet character looks like the letter n, but with a little bit coming off the left hand-side.  Numbers and roots of words are important in Hebrew because they have meanings.  The number of the word Chai is 18, which the Messianic Jew explained to me meant long life and survivor, good life, and longevity.

Death came to steal, kill and destroy. Yes there have been tears and suffering. I have wrestled fiercely with death.    But Jesus conquered death, at calvary and because of His sacrifice everything changes.  My soul has been restored, my life changed because of His great love for me.

Death has not won.  Don’t dare believe death has wone, because that is a life.

Love has won, and love will last forever, because God is love. 

And love, love’s you.

Would you like God to give you a new name – maybe you will ask Him right now?

For Zion’s sake I will  not keep silent, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not keep quiet.  Until her righteousness goes forth like brightness, and her salvation like a torch that is burning.  The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; and you will be called by a new name which the mouth of the Lord will designate. You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord.  And a royal diadem in the hand of your God.  It will no longer be said to you, “Forsaken,” nor to your land will it any longer be said, “Desolate”; but you will be called, “My delight is in her.“  And your land, “Married”; for the Lord delights in you, and to Him your land will be married.  For as a young man marries a virgin, so your sons will marry you; and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God will rejoice over you (Isaiah 62:1-5).

Resources

Nicky Cahill’s blog www.saltandsparkle.com

Jennifer Camp’s blog www.youaremygirls.com

Copyright Nicky Cahill, November 2013

Broken Becomes Beautiful

By Anna Bentley

In June of this year a bunch of people from our young adults ministry at CCV, Sacred Space, headed out to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. It was a last minute 'God-incident' that I even ended up going on the team (but that's a whole other

blog!) Excited and apprehensive, we headed out to volunteer with a number of organisations working with men, women and children involved in sex trafficking.

As you can imagine it was an intense environment, being in a city shrouded in such darkness. On first impression you would see no hope or light in the city. However, the more we worked with the different organisations we saw that in fact there is hope, and God is very much at work in

Cambodia. 

But as we watched young children walking the streets, waiting for their next 'customer', my heart broke. At times it was difficult to hold back the tears. I just wanted to pick up these children, bring them to a place of security and protect them from all that takes place on the streets.

During our trip we went to a village called Svay Pak, a place known for sex trafficking and pedophilia. Yet, there was beauty among the brokenness in that village. We worked with an organisation called Agape International Missions, which had been set up by an amazing Christian couple who wanted to share God's love in a community only known for its false intimacy.

Throughout the week our team helped to teach the kids from the village, and I was teaching dance and drama in a room now known as 'Rahab 1'. However, a few years earlier, that very room had been a brothel. 12 tiny rooms had been ripped down when Agape purchased the building and it

was now being used to release creativity and to share God's love with some amazing young people. 

Where there was once only death and darkness, there was now abundant life and joy.

The tears began to roll down my cheeks as I stood in that place. But they were tears of joy, as I realised that what the enemy had used for evil, God was now turning around for His good. This was a story of redemption.

We later met one of the girls who had been in room Number 9 of the brothel. She had been locked away and had several men bought to her each day. But since Agape moved into the village, she had been taken out of slavery, given a new life, a job, hope for the future and was now happily

married. Again, I was an emotional mess as I looked at her wedding photos and saw how she had once been so broken and now through the love of God, she had been made incredibly whole and beautiful.

God had written her redemption story.

I came away with the sense that no place was too dark and no person too broken for God to redeem and restore what has gone before.

A very wise woman once shared this scripture with me:

Psalm 127:1 If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks.

Sometimes God takes the most broken, run down of people and makes them into the most beautiful of creations. He chooses to take the places that the world has written off and He rewrites His story of grace. When we allow God to rebuild what we or others have broken down, He rebuilds us in such a way that we become more beautiful than we ever thought we could be. 

I saw this in Cambodia, I see this in my own life and I see that God is writing these redemption stories all over our community. So whether I find myself in a slum in Cambodia or walking through the streets of Coleraine, God is continually showing me that nobody and no place is beyond His outstretched arms of grace.

Isaiah 61: He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives... 

...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair...

...They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated...

 Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land...

Honesty With God

 By Emily Brown

(This entry is special because Emily bravely wrote this 3 weeks before the birth of her new baby boy Joshua Mark Brown. We welcome him to the world!)

In deciding what to write I guess ‘birth’ is the upper most thing in my mind (seeing as I am due to give birth in 3 weeks – or will have given birth by the time you read this!!). 

I am so acutely aware that when we look at people around us we see the ‘perfect’ side of their life - we see the ‘happy family’.  Sometimes this is the true picture, but we often don’t see the pain that people have or have gone through.

Many people won’t be aware of the traumatic birth I had with my son, Joel.  It was one of the scariest times of my life – but the worst part was feeling like God had left me.  The God I had known, who had always been so good to me, always been so gracious had suddenly let me go through something very traumatic.  I know for many of us we were brought up not to think like this – but I absolutely screamed out to God ‘Why, why me?!’ ‘How could you let this happen?!’.  I have always loved God with everything and walked so closely with him in my life – and for that to suddenly feel like it was gone was the worst.  I felt everything I had based my life on was suddenly a lie……

Through screaming out to a God whose character I no longer knew or trusted was where my healing came.  I believe in complete honesty before God, as He knows what we are thinking/feeling anyway, and although I knew how I felt would have offended many Christians, I knew God would be able to handle my doubts.

It was somehow in this time that something very personal happened for me.  I saw a picture in my mind.  It was of Jesus in the room with me after Joel’s birth as I was having complications.  In this picture in my mind, Jesus was there and he said to the enemy ‘Stop – that is enough – no more’.  The gift of this picture was that I saw Jesus was for me; Jesus was the one who healed me; Jesus was completely sovereign over the whole thing.

Yes, I know that the situation was still allowed to happen – but now I thank God for this because my understanding of who he is and his character has been completely altered and is more correct!  I now fear less and am less anxious because I know that whatever trauma may come my way, no matter how painful, I WILL get through it because God is on my side. 

Traumatic things can happen to each of us – if we call out to God in honesty, He will show us who he truly is.  Don’t be afraid to tell God if you blame Him – but never stop talking to Him  - let Him reveal to you His love for you and how he is not to blame.  Hold onto the God you see in these blogs, even though you may not even be sure this God exists, He will show you that He truly does exist and is FOR you!

Learning to live in the unforced rhythms of His Gra

by Claire McAvoy

At the start of 2013, Janet Young spoke to me about starting a Pram Pushers group in Ballymoney, with the idea that mums who have young children could meet up once a week and do life together. Initially, I was hesitant, as I have a tendency to overcommit myself.

I think I need to share (briefly, I promise!) a little background.

On the 9^th November 2008, I finally woke up and realised I couldn’t do life on my own, and I accepted Jesus into my life. Prior to this, I was "Miss Independent," "Miss ‘I’ll do that", "I’ll help out there," "count me in" always juggling far too many things- a full-time, demanding job, a marriage (happy), being a mummy to 3 children (now 5!), studying for a degree, helping out at swim club, sitting on 2 Boards of Governors, and training for an Ironman, and the list went on.  All the rushing around, over committing, striving for acceptance and love and giving myself a hard time, wore me down. 

I was burnt out.

But thankfully, God and His megaphone broke through; or rather I acknowledged His voice for the first time. It was a real turning point in my life, however I had a very rocky, few months following this, where I needed to give Jesus an ‘access all areas’ pass and let Him do a Jesus makeover, like only He can.

I knew this wasn’t the version of me that I wanted to be, nor was it what God had planned for my life; rather I felt God say I needed to “learn the unforced rhythms of His Grace”.  I started to read the Bible and then other books, including one which has become a favourite of mine, by John Ortberg; “The me I want to be- Becoming God’s best version of you”, and I realised I was caught in the cycle as shown below (p38)

Eventually, I started to slow down, cut out non-essential activities, reduce my hours at work, and I realised that the only person that was putting pressure on me, was me.

Every so often, I feel the old independent Claire creeping back and I find myself wanting to pick up pace, but I am learning to tune in to God first and with His guidance and the love and support of my lovely husband, I am learning to keep this slower and more balanced, pace of life. I have felt God more often than once tell me to ‘slow down’, and assure me His Grace is sufficient for me.

Now when I feel worry, anxiety, pressure (from myself) to take on more, the need to ‘strive’, try harder, I remember words Tre Sheppard spoke in 2012;

 I have to make a decision daily to,“live in the light of the love of the King, not in fear of the thief”.

This has helped me so many times to slow down, calm down, stop worrying and enjoy God’s unforced rhythms of Grace. You see, I think all along, I was trying to earn God’s Grace, rather than realise that it was a free gift. I have to admit, I still find this amazing and need to keep reminding myself of it.

So, here I am, back to Pram Pushers. I prayed about it and felt God give me the green light to go so I said yes. So, since May 2013, our group of mummies and their babies and children, totalling on a good day 9 mummies, who collectively have 28 children between them (yes really!), meet every week to push prams (well, sometimes!), eat buns (lots of), drink coffee (strictly no de-caff I have been reminded!) and chat about labour experiences, baby feeds, hair extensions, school reports, holidays, husbands- well, anything and everything really. It is not a Bible study, but God is definitely present and definitely welcome as we do life together and I love it!!

I want to live in His light

I want to live in His Grace

I want to live out His plan

I want to live at His pace

Would you please, please, ask yourself;

Are you happy with your commitments? Have you overcommitted yourself?

Are you putting high expectations/too much pressure on yourself?

Are you burnt out, or heading that way? Or would you rather live out the best version of you, the one God has planned for you all along?

Invite Jesus in and learn, as I am, to live in the unforced rhythms of His Grace.

Matthew 11:28-30  (MSG)

28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Check out a beautiful song about Grace - “Grace flows down” by Christy Nockels

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YWiH90AYhU