by Janet Young
As a teenage girl I found myself quite lost
and lonely in my struggle to try and figure out who I really was, what I was
made for, and how to be happy with that. I had an incredible family, wonderful
friends and an amazing relationship with God - who had been my everything since
I was 6 years old. But even with that wonderful life, I struggled!
I was overweight by quite a lot in my mid
teens/early twenties and because of that I felt inadequate, had low self-esteem,
and severely lacked confidence and so often I wouldn’t even attempt to try new
things for fear of failing. I believed that because I couldn’t manage to stick
to diet plans and I easily gave up on exercise I was a failure and I began to
label myself as a quitter at that time.
The problem was I began to ‘live up’ to the
labels I had put on myself. I found it increasingly difficult to commit to
things and very often I would pull out of things at the last minute (school
courses, things I’d volunteered for, and even friendships) because I had myself
totally convinced that I had failed before I’d even begun.
How
I had chosen to view myself began to overtake every area of my life – and it was not a fun road to be on.
Thankfully, in my early twenties I heard
some teaching that changed (and quite possibly saved) my life. I was sitting in
our church (Causeway Coast Vineyard) and Alan (the Pastor) began to chat about
choices. He talked about how the little, seemingly insignificant choices we
make every day all lead us in a certain direction, whether negative or
positive.
He went on to say that we can often let how
other people view us or past situations we’ve been through dictate who we
are…so for example…someone might say “I
know I’m sarcastic, but that is only because my family were super sarcastic
when I was a child”.
Now, this next part is what changed my
thinking.
Alan just simply pointed out that that
didn’t have to be the case! That as adults we can completely choose who we want
to be and how we want to see ourselves – despite our backgrounds or
circumstances – and if we’re not happy with where our lives are now we can
change the small choices we make so that we begin to head in a different
direction.
A light went on in me at that moment. God
and His truth broke into my heart and from that very day I began a new journey
of learning to love ‘me’.
My
journey was one of choices; small, every day, sometimes seemingly insignificant
choices.
I knew I wanted to become a confident
person; someone who believed in themselves and someone I loved being, so from
then on I began to choose to practice thinking the truth.
When I felt ugly, I stopped and made myself
say that I wasn’t ugly, that God had made me beautiful and that that was the
truth. I chose to stop reading certain magazines to help me stop comparing
myself to other girls and every time I thought I was stupid or a failure, I
chose to make myself say out loud (which was quite embarrassing!!) that I
wasn’t stupid…until finally, day by day my mind-set about ‘Me’ began to change.
I chose to ask God who He said I was and I chose to embrace His identity for me
instead of the broken and painful identity I had given myself.
My journey of choice had begun.
I am so grateful to God for bringing me on
this journey. I love what He is doing in me. I love Him for setting me free. My
life today looks hugely different than it did as a teenager.
Today
I know who I am and what I am made for.
Today I am blissfully happily married to
the man of my dreams, and together we have the most wonderful son who we are
both totally smitten with ;)
Today I still make the small, every day,
sometimes seemingly insignificant choices that lead me into freedom.
Freedom is available today to us all.
Freedom is God’s design for us all.
Freedom is our choice.
“Then you will
know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8v32 NIV)
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